A Lesson to Learn
by poeticgrace
Summary: He thought she was his biggest regret. She knew their love was his biggest secret. He thought he had to leave for better things. She knew that everything he wanted was right there at home. Will Ryan Howard ever discover what Kelly Kapoor has always known?
1. Chapter 1

For the first time in a long time, he could see her before he could hear her. Clad in a pale lavender tea-length dress and matching cashmere cardigan, her appearance was as impeccable as always. One of his favorite things about her had always been how she paid attention to the smallest details that defined the essence of a woman – the heart-shaped rhinestone barrette holding back wisps of her dark silky hair, the sheer pink gloss applied to her pursed lips, the spontaneous glimmer apparent in her soulful eyes. Kelly Kapoor was an easy woman to love from afar.

When he hooked up with her nearly two years ago on the night before Valentine's Day, Ryan Howard had no idea that his life would be transformed forever. Between the incessant chatter about inane celebrity gossip to her high-pitched squeals when he did anything "cute," she worked her way into his life without his permission or even him really knowing it. It was almost as if one day he woke up and was half of a couple. It wasn't something he had planned or even really wanted. It was one of those things that just sort of happened to him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Then, an offer from the corporate offices of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company in New York City changed all that. A simple call gave him the confidence he had lacked for much of his relationship with Kelly. Suddenly, he no longer felt trapped in a life he didn't choose. He was going to escape the perils of a job he hated, the traps of a girlfriend he didn't care about and a life he didn't want to have. This was his chance to get out of the future that scared him the most in Scranton.

All summer, Ryan had managed to convince himself that this was what he wanted. He had an entirely new life full of exciting opportunities that otherwise would have never come his way. With a modern loft on the Upper West Side, a $200 haircut from one of the finest salons in New York City and a closet full of designer clothes, this was the world he had dreamed about when he was at home in his dingy apartment, playing X-Box and listening to Kelly ramble about Britney Spears and Brad Pitt. Addicted to his BlackBerry and spending nights at the hottest clubs in the city, he fell easily into the fast lane but found himself incapable of enjoying it. No matter how hard he tried to be happy, there was still something missing.

And now, he was right back where he started, with butterflies in his stomach as he prepared to enter the Scranton office for the first time. Just like his first day as a temp, he was a bundle of nerves about returning to his former haunting ground as the new vice president of regional sales. While he looked forward to moving the company into a new era and making a name for himself professionally, he knew it was going to be hard to see make his co-workers see him as their boss. Even more than that, it was going to be hard to see Kelly again. They hadn't left on the best terms, and he had no one to blame for that but himself.

Peering through the glass, he watched as she stood at Pam's desk, tilting her head thoughtfully as she listened to the receptionist talk about something. His hand rested on the cool chrome surface of the door knob as he gazed at her, trying to figure out what had her so captivated. She leaned forward anxiously, resting her open palms on the desk in front of her. Jim sauntered over beside her, saying something that must have elicited a giggle. A wide grin spread across her face as she laughed, looking quickly between Pam and Jim As she started to look up, her eyes locked with his, instantly bringing her sunny disposition to an end.

Ryan watched as Kelly turned away slowly and deliberately, almost as if she was forcing herself to break their connection. In the past, he had been the one to look away first, but like many other things in his life, the norm had shifted. He could see her say something to her companions as Pam glanced up. A hand flew to cover her mouth, causing Jim to look over his shoulder. The lanky salesman shook his head sadly before resting his hand on the small of Kelly's back in a sign of silent comfort. Ryan tried to push away the thought that crept into his mind that told him that it should be his hand that was there.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to enter the office, well aware of the awkward air now settling in. Kelly raked her fingers through her hair self-consciously before plastering a small but fake smile on her painted lips. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly snapped it shut. Everything he had planned to say suddenly seemed stupid. Pam forced a warm smile while Jim positioned himself protectively between Kelly and Ryan. It was strangely unnerving to see the friendship dynamic between his ex-girlfriend and Jim.

"Good morning," Ryan finally managed, brushing his hand over his face to help himself regain his earlier confidence. "I'm sorry that I'm late. I was on the phone with my assistant back at the office. Things are crazy in New York."

"Hey, Ryan," Pam greeted him, aware that no one else was going to verbally acknowledge him. "It's good to have you back."

Ryan nodded thanks as he pulled out his vibrating BlackBerry. Quickly scanning the numerous emails waiting in his inbox, he decided that nothing was important enough to require his immediate attention. In reality, he was just trying to find a way to talk to Kelly without being awkward. He could feel her staring at him as he pretended to play with the electronic device. For the longest time, he had dreaded the feeling of her eyes on him. Only now did he realize how much he had missed it. As he shifted his eyes up to meet hers, he was surprised when she didn't turn away. "Hi, Ryan."

"Kelly," he replied plainly, trying to keep his devoid of any emotion. The last thing he wanted to do was give her false hope. "How are you?"

He wasn't sure what he expected, likely a bubbly ramble about the guys she was dating or whatever celebrity was making magazine covers that week. Instead, she kept her eyes focused on him. "Better than you apparently," she deadpanned, reading him easily. Well, at least she was still blunt. She didn't wait for him to reply before turning on her kitten heels and heading back toward her desk in the annex.

Glancing from Jim to Pam, Ryan bit his bottom lip sheepishly before following after her. "I don't know what you mean," he countered. "If you haven't noticed, I am doing quite well for myself. I'm happier in New York than I ever was in Scranton."

Kelly smirked as she shook her head sadly. "Keep telling yourself that," she muttered. "Other people might buy it, Ryan Howard, but I can see right through it. I saw it the moment you walked through that door. I've come to know those blue eyes better than my own. It was written all over your face."

Ryan was quickly becoming frustrated with her insightful accusations. "What happened to the girl who spent the last year telling me the differences between Shiloh and Suri?"

"What happened to the guy who would pretend not to know their names?" she asked. "I've spent the last two years waiting to see the look in your eyes that I saw today. I gave you everything, Ryan, and I never saw you look at me the way you just did. You had the chance to have everything, but you never thought that I was enough. I thought that you were everything, but you treated me like I was nothing."

"That's not fair," he argued.

"You're right, it's not fair," she agreed. "It's not fair that I dedicated so much of my time doing the things you liked because I loved you. How many nights did I watch you get drunk with your friends just so I could spend time with you? How many times did you call me in the middle of the night because you were scared? How many times did I pretend not to notice how you rolled your eyes at everything I said because of the rare moments when you would let your guard down?"

For once, Ryan had nothing to say. Flashes of those small moments flashed in his mind. There was the double date they had gone on with Pam and the cartoonist. Though Kelly had spent most of the night force feeding him ketchup, the moment that stuck out the most to him was when Kelly leaned her head on his shoulder. It was the first time he could remember feeling like maybe that was where she belonged. "You were never nothing, Kelly," he tried. "You're still not. We just wanted different things. My life is in New York now, and yours is here."

"Do you remember the Christmas party last year?" she asked, ignoring his feeble attempt at convincing her that he had made the right decision.

"Sure, Michael and Andy invited those two Asian waitresses."

"You want to know what I remember?" Kelly inquired. "I remember watching you let go of the person you thought you should be and allow yourself to be the person you actually are. You were so cute when you lip synced to the Alanis Morissette song. It was a small moment and I'm sure no one else remembers it, but it's something I will never forget. Just like I'll never forget when you danced with me in the corner, your forehead pressed against mine as you wrapped your arms around me. You can pretend all you want to that you never loved me, Ryan, but I know that you did. Those moments, they remind me that you did."


	2. Chapter 2

All summer, Kelly had tried to convince herself that she would be able to get over Ryan easily. She had always gotten over boys quickly in the past, so why should he be any different? The truth was she knew that he was going to be hard to get over. She had never loved someone the way that she loved Ryan. So completely and all-consuming, her love for him had been something unexpected but life changing. From the first clumsy kiss at her door, he had worked his way into her heart. Two years later, she was left with an empty shell of the woman she used to be.

Sure, she still pretended to be the same bright and bubbly girl. She still read _Cosmo_ and talked to Toby about all the inane things she knew he could care less about, but her heart wasn't in it. Like the string of first dates she had when her friends and parents had set her up, they were things she simply did out of habit. She made an effort every single morning when she woke up to pretend that nothing had changed. Even getting dressed in the perfect outfits, varying in shades of pink and purple, didn't fit the person she felt like she had become. There was a hole in her soul, but she was determined to be the strong woman she had long been.

Kelly had been though dark days before in her life, events so much harder than a break up with a man whole had long pretended not to even care about her. After her older sister had died, she had nearly given up on everything she had loved. Anna had been the perfect daughter, and losing her had nearly torn her parents apart. As the next in line, Kelly had felt certain obligations to fill her place. She had tried to become the studious student, working hard to get the perfect grades. Eventually, after enough time passed, she realized that the best way to honor Anna was to live her life to the fullest.

Getting past Anna's death was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, but it gave her the power to know that she would be able to get over anything. As much as it hurt like hell, she would get past losing Ryan, too. The days were already getting easier, thanks to the time she was spending with her younger sisters and her unexpected friendship with Jim and Pam. They had both seen something in her heartache that they seemed to relate to, so that had made an effort to befriend her at work. On the mornings when things seemed especially bleak, it only took an unexpected cup of cocoa from Pam or a sarcastic quip from Jim to bring that bright smile to her face.

And that had worked pretty well until Ryan reappeared. She had seen him waiting outside the door long before he came in, but she told herself that she needed to play this out. Kelly knew that if she gave him any indication that she had missed him so much, he would become the same cocky guy he'd always been. She needed to be strong, to build a wall around her heart so that he didn't have the power to hurt her anymore. Instead, she chose to take the route of silent strength, never giving him more than the blunt truth and a tiny glimmer of how she felt. When she saw the sadness so apparent in his eyes, she knew that she definitely had the upper hand.

Seeing Ryan again brought back all the memories that only they could share. She remembered the way he would reach back for her hand when they were leaving room, almost as if he wasn't thinking about how he'd look to the cameras. It was times like those when he really let his guard down that she loved him the most. And she wasn't stupid, she knew that he kissed her to shut her up. Most of the time, it only made her talk that much more. Sure, it drove Toby crazy, but it didn't matter. She was in love.

"No, Michael, I don't think that corporate would want to instill the Dundies companywide," Ryan muttered as the pair exited the conference room. They had been in a long meeting since after lunch. As she watched him from behind, Kelly could read the stress and tension in his back. "As much as we all enjoyed them here, they're not exactly appropriate. I don't think I could convince them that 'Hottest in the Office' or the 'Spicy Curry Award' is a positive way of recognizing employees."

"You can just get back to me on that," Michael replied, clapping his self-proclaimed protégé on the shoulder. He tried to drop his voice a few decibels, but most of the office could still hear him. "So, have you talked to the old ball and chain yet?"

Ryan shot him an awkward look. "Michael, I am your boss," he retorted. "That is both none of your business and inappropriate conversation in a professional environment."

"Whatever, you can totally tell me later," Michael laughed before heading back toward his office, leaving Ryan alone to hang his head.

As he turned back and looked at Kelly, she noticed how he seemed to have aged a decade since leaving Scranton. It was more than the patchy stubble and expensive suit. There was an absence in his blue eyes that she had never seen there. With one last forlorn look back at her, Ryan started to pad away.

"Ryan, stop," she could hear her voice call out. Even as the words were coming out of her mouth, she was trying to spot herself. As he slowly turned back around and looked at her questioningly. It was almost enough to break her heart all over again. "Please, don't go, not yet. Not like this." He held his arms out to his side and shrugged almost as if he didn't know what else to do. Off to one side, she could see Jim watching her carefully. She gave him a small smile of thanks, indicating that she could handle this on her own. As her eyes shifted back to Ryan, she tried to figure out her next step. By the time he reached her, she was no closer to figuring it out but she forged ahead anyhow. "What I said earlier, it got to you."

To anyone else, the blunt statement might have left them feeling taken aback, but Ryan had actually seen that one coming. He could try to deny it, but she would see right through him. "I'd forgotten how well you knew me," he answered, raking his fingers through his dark hair. Then, his voice got unusually quiet, chilling Kelly to the bone. She knew that something big was coming, and it was his turn to catch her off guard. "I didn't know that I missed you until I got here."

"That's just like you, Ryan, always just a little bit too late," she murmured.

"Well, is it too late to tell you that you were right earlier?" he asked. "Kel, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself, you already knew. You knew that I missed you from a single look, and you called me on it. No one else in my life does that. You don't let me get away with anything. Sure, you put up with a lot, but we both know you always found a way to make me pay. I can pretend all I want to, but we both know the truth."

"Ryan, how did you miss me?" she questioned him. "Did you miss me as a warm body in your bed? Did you miss me as some girl you fooled around with at work? Did you miss me as a confidant who knew all your dreams and fears? Did you miss me as a friend who could almost drink you under the table?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I just don't know."

Kelly started to say something in return but quickly stopped herself. Reaching underneath her desk, she produced a shopping bag from Sharper Image. Silently, she handed it to him and waited for the puzzled look to spread across his face. Reaching up, she cupped his chin in her palm. "It isn't you."

"Yes, it is," he insisted. "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Kelly. This is me. I belong in New York. Even if I miss you, it doesn't change who I am."

He hated himself instantly as he looked into her eyes, two puddles of grace and pain. She took a deep breath, trying to regain the courage she had earlier. As always, he was giving her just enough to keep her hanging out. Well, not this time. Kelly wasn't about to let him do anything half way, even if it was him leaving her again.

"I never would have asked you to stay, Ryan," she said softly. "I never made you stay before, did I? I was the one who listened to all your plans for the future, encouraging and believing in you every step of the way. I stayed up late so many nights helping you revise your papers or quizzing you for tests because I knew how important business school was to you."

Ryan began to reply, but Kelly held her hand up to stop him. "You have left any time you wanted to," she continued, "but you never did. Even when you were pretending that you were stuck in this relationship, that's never what you were afraid of. You were scared that I would make you want to stay. This job – something that you never wanted before – was your way out. New York was your scapegoat."

"I wanted to leave Scranton and everything about my life here behind."

"But that didn't happen, did it?"

Looking at his pointless designer shoes, Ryan shook his head silently. "Everywhere I went in New York, I heard your voice in my head," he revealed, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'd see someone famous and think about your giggle. I would see something beautiful and suddenly want to tell you. I'd come home after a long day and realize how empty my loft seemed without you waiting in it."

"Ryan, I would have gone with you."

"I know."

As Kelly looked up at him, she was surprised to see tears shining in his shockingly bright blue eyes. Contrasting sharply with his pale skin and charcoal hair, they said so much that his mind would not let him say. She felt a single drop roll down her cheek as she shuffled closer to him, brushing the tears away tenderly with her thumb. "Before you got here, I told myself that I was going to be so strong. I was determined to prove to you that I had moved on, but I can't lie anymore than you can."

"This is so damn hard," he moaned, his hands moving up to hold her wrists against his face. "I don't know what I am supposed to do here. Tell me what I am supposed to do, Kel, just tell me what to do."

She smiled at him sadly, wishing that she had all the answers. "You're supposed to meet your train and go back to New York," she answered. "Your life isn't in Scranton anymore."

"No, I can't leave now," he pleaded. "Not like this."

"You're going to drive back to the train station and head back to New York," she repeated. "It'll be late when you get there, so it might take you a few minutes longer than usual to find a cab. You'll clutch her briefcase in your palm, willing the driver to go faster. Tipping him with the little cash you have left in your wallet – you always have to have coffee when you ride the train – you'll slowly climb the stairs to your loft. It will seem emptier, lonelier than it did this morning when you left. You'll walk around for a few minutes, discarding the clothes from today's trip, before settling in front of the window to stare at the majestic skyline below. When true exhaustion sets in and the view becomes blurry, you'll shut off all the lights and climb into bed."

"Kel…"

She ignored him as she went on. "Lying on your back, one arm tucked behind your head and the other resting on your stomach, you'll try to find the sleep that nearly overtook you earlier but now eludes you. And then finally, you'll do what you have wanted to all along. You'll roll over and retrieve that stupid little device you are so addicted to and you'll dial a familiar number. One ring, two rings, three, you'll wait as impatiently as ever for someone to answer on the other end. Then, you'll smile to yourself as her half-asleep voice fills your ear and you finally feel at home again," she smiled. "I promise that I'll pick up, Ryan. I will always pick up."


	3. Chapter 3

The few weeks after the trip to Scranton had been long and hard on Ryan, testing limits he didn't even know he had. Between Michael's inability to learn even the smallest task to the unexpected pressures to make the Web initiative a success, a tiny part of him longed for the simple days as the Temp. Back then, he didn't care about anyone or anything at Dunder Mifflin. His only concern was how many hours stood between him and a beer with his friends at a pub across town. Now, his career had become his life. He didn't regret it exactly, he just never knew how it would take over his life. Well, at least the version of living he laughingly called his life in New York.

Still, there was one bright spot in all of that. True to her word, Kelly did pick up. At first, he limited himself to a basic call every few days at night, just to check in and see how she was doing. He told himself that he was just trying to be a good friend, although they had never exactly established any kind of friendship. However, with that guise as his safety net, he could enjoy a half-hour of unadulterated time with her. It wasn't much, but it was all he had. It was all he could really handle for the moment. Of course, Kelly had known that right away. Like everything else, it had taken Ryan a little time to figure it out.

After a week or two of casual conversation, Ryan had taken a big step and called Kelly at work on a random afternoon. She'd launched into her usual spiel, answering the phone professionally. He had heard her chipper scripted greeting a million times when he worked with her in the annex, each time grating on his nerves just a little more. On an unusually dreary Wednesday morning, all traces of that annoyance were gone.

"Dunder Mifflin, this is Kelly," she chirped into the phone.

If he closed his eyes tight enough, Ryan would almost swear that she was right behind him. He could almost imagine her sitting at her desk, leaning forward slightly, her legs crossed at the ankle. "Hey, Kel," he murmured warmly. He smiled at the sound of her soft, happy sigh as she heard his voice. It was enough to encourage him to press forward. "I woke up today suddenly missing Scranton. Can you believe it?"

"Oh my gosh," she replied. "I am so sorry, that is so messed up." A small feminine giggle escaped from her voice, slightly straying for the usual act she put on for the customers. He pictured her covering her mouth, a faint blush playing on her caramel skin. For some reason in his head, she was dressed in a periwinkle cardigan with her hair tucked behind her ears.

"You're telling me," he chuckled. "I started thinking about that horrible apartment I had for the first year. Do you remember those neighbors downstairs? I swear, they must have eaten cooked cabbage for every meal. The entire building reeked of it. And we could hear everything that went on in that hole. My roommate wouldn't talk to me for the first two months after we started dating. Apparently, we got pretty loud after I'd kiss you to make you stop talking. I have an amazing loft now, but I really loved that place."

She was probably leaning back now, her eyes closed and face turned toward the ceiling. The receiver tucked under her chin, he could almost see her tugging on the ends of her hair as she listened to him intently. When she played with her hair, that was how he knew she was really listening. She did it the most when he talked about what he wanted for the future, even when she knew that it might not include her. "Everyone here is upset, you have no idea."

"I know," he retorted. "For the first time, I think I actually do have a clue. I wasted a lot of time pretending that the thing between us was anything other than what it was. Even meeting your parents at Diwali last year, I tried to convince myself that it didn't mean anything. But seeing you stand up for me like that, no one had ever really done that. I should have told you how much it meant to me. I tried to show you, but I should have told you. I guess that there are a lot of things I should have done."

He could hear Kelly start to say something before her voice got caught in his throat. Taking this as a good sign, he decided to continue. It wasn't often that he put this kind of stuff out there, but his heart was wide open. "I should have walked you to your car every morning when you left my apartment. I should have held your hand more when we were out together. I should have listened more when you told me something that really mattered to you. I should have told you exactly how beautiful you are every chance I had. More than anything, I should have never pretended that I didn't care."

This time, she managed to find her voice. "And rest assured, your voice has been heard."

"But I guess that's one of my favorite things about you," he admitted. "As much as you wanted to hear me say those things or do that stuff, you never needed it. You already knew how I felt, even when I didn't. Somehow, you never gave up on me, even when I didn't give you the things you deserve. Not many people would have hung in there like you did, Kel. We both know that I didn't, that I wouldn't."

"Even now, knowing what I know, I could never guarantee that I wouldn't run away," he went on. "I'm a Howard, a quick escape is in our nature. I've spent my whole life working to get to this point, and I hate that I miss you so much. I hate that you make me want to forget this ever happened and just go back to that dingy apartment in Scranton. I hate that all my hopes and dreams have turned out to be a sham because you are the only thing that is real in my life. I hate that I hurt you for even just one moment, let alone all the millions that came before and since then. There are so many things I hate, but saying goodbye to you is the thing I hate most of all."

"I'll be thinking about you all day."

"Kel, please drop the script," he implored. "Talk to me."

"I was talking to you, Ryan," she proclaimed. "I will be thinking about you all day. Since you left, that's all I've done. And not just your last trip but when you quit. I couldn't even bring myself to take down the pictures of us I have on my desk. Of course, they're not exactly the best shots. In half of them, you look either angry or caught off guard. In the others, you're just a fuzzy shape in the background. I guess I never really asked you if you wanted your picture taken."

"You shouldn't have had to ask," he admitted. "But there is that one you had on your refrigerator. That's the best picture I've ever seen of myself. I look happy in that one."

"We were happy," she reminded him. The photograph was of them in bed together, their faces pressed together. It was the night of Ryan's birthday and they were both more than a little tipsy. She had bought him a new digital camera from Sharper Image, something she knew he had been coveting for months. He'd gotten her an umbrella for her birthday. At least it was pink.

"Yeah," he breathed, "that was a good night. A really good night. I can still remember how your hair smelled like hibiscus and honey. It was a perfect spring night, the air charged with the first warm night of the season. And I loved that camera."

"You were like a little kid when you opened it," she remembered. "Your face lit up like a Christmas tree when you saw the box. I remember all the fuzzy pictures you took of everyone at the bar. There were a half dozen shots of the floor alone. When we got home, you told me that you wanted at least one really good picture from that night. Then, you held up the camera over our heads and took it. Two minutes later, you passed out in your jeans and tennis shoes."

Ryan moaned lightly. "Was I always that bad?"

"Sometimes," she confessed, "but not always. The next morning when we were looking through the pictures, I remember waiting to see your reaction. When we came to it, you smiled this small little smile but immediately bit your bottom lip to hide it. To anyone else, it wouldn't have been noticeable, but to me, it spoke volumes. Two days later, without any grand announcement, you clipped it to my fridge. I've looked at it every morning and every night for the past year."

"Kel, I have to see you," he told her. "Please, come to New York."

"Ryan, I can't," she reminded him. "My job is still in Scranton. I have to work."

"I'm your boss," he countered. "I have the authority to make you come."

Deciding to skip the easy quip about the double entendre, Kelly opted for a more logical response. "That's not fair, and you know it."

"I don't care what's fair, I just care about seeing you."

"I can't," she repeated. "I have to stay here."

"Fine," he agreed. "If you can't come to the city, I'll come to you."

"Ryan, you have to stop," she pleaded. "I can't keep saying goodbye to you. I hate watching you leave. It always feels like I'm losing you all over again."

He could hear the pain in his voice, and he knew that he had put it there. "I'm sorry, Kel," he apologized. "Every choice I've made since I've known you has been about what's good for me. This time, I am going to think about what's good for you. I won't come yet, but you should know that I'm not giving you up. I can't now, not when I've finally figured out what you mean to me."

"I just need you to respect my boundaries."

He nodded silently and knew somehow that Kelly knew that was his response. "I'll let you get back to work. As your job, I should tell you that you're doing an excellent job. You are a very good listener."

"Thank you, Mr. Howard. Rest assured, your voice has been heard."

"And I'll be thinking about you all day."


	4. Chapter 4

Kelly slowly sat the receiver back on its cradle, allowing the weight of Ryan's words to sink into her brain. Two years. She had waited two years for Ryan to admit his feelings to her, and that was how she reacted? It wouldn't have been hard for her to shut down her computer and hop a train down to New York. A quick excuse to Toby, and she could be out of there. Since they worked alone in the annex, no one else would even know she was gone. It should have been easy…but it wasn't.

A small part of her felt like she was giving in to him if she just went to New York. For two years, she had allowed his actions to dictate her life. Ryan had been right when he'd said that she had loved him despite how he treated her. While she had always known the truth about how he felt, she had also always known that she deserved better. Determined to finally have that, she felt like it was important that she make him work a little harder to have her in his life this go around. Running off to New York at his every whim wouldn't be good for either of them. 

Tapping her ballet flat against the thinly carpeted floor, Kelly glanced around the office. She suddenly felt stifled, like she needed to get out of the fluorescent safety of the Dunder Mifflin building. As her eyes landed on Jim, she decided to take a chance. Reaching for her mouse, she clicked open the inner office messaging system. She quickly rattled off a brief message to Pam and Jim asking if they wanted to get lunch at the café down the street. Two affirmative replies later, the three co-workers were headed out of the building and down the street without a word.

"Okay, Kelly, what's up?" Jim asked finally, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them. "It's been awhile since you tried to invite us to lunch, but I heard you talking to Ryan when I dropped off some paperwork at Toby's desk. What did he do this time?"

Kelly reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "He asked me to come to New York," she replied. "Ryan Howard actually wanted to see me, told me that he couldn't get me off his mind and asked that I come to New York to spend time with him. It's a strange feeling to finally get everything you ever wanted almost handed to you, only to realize it's not quite what you expected."

"Wait!" Pam exclaimed. "Ryan actually asked you to come to New York, and you're still in Scranton having lunch with us. Not only that, but you are talking about it so nonchalantly as if it happened every day. Where is the real Kelly Kapoor?"

She laughed nervously, aware that the receptionist was only half joking. "Oh, believe me, she's still in there," Kelly assured them. "A big part of me is dying to get in my car and break the land speed record just to get there. But another part of me knows that I can't just give Ryan what he wants without some sort of expectation on my end. His little confession is only a small step in a long process. If he wants to really be with me, he needs to figure out how I fit into his future. Right now, I'm not sure that he sees that."

Being the lone mail in the threesome, Jim felt somewhat obligated to explain the male perspective. "I think Ryan gets it," he revealed. "I just think he's afraid to admit to himself that he gets it. He's built his entire life around this dream of owning his own business and getting out of Scranton. He had a plan for his life, and you don't fit into it. He never expected you to come along and make him want something different. No matter how much you want something else, it's still hard to give up on that first dream."

A look of understanding passed between Jim and Pam that Kelly couldn't quite define. She knew that underneath his words, Jim was really talking about how Pam had changed his dreams. "I would never ask Ryan to give up anything for me," she countered. "I was willing, am willing, to go wherever those dreams would take us. You see, while Ryan's big dream was to have his own company, mine was to be a wife and a mother. It might not seem like much, but when I met him, it was the only life I could ever imagine having."

"Wow, Kelly," Pam mused, her voice dripping with astonishment. "I think that's really admirable. I always thought that you were dedicating your life to Ryan, but that was never it at all. You wanted to dedicate your life to the family you'd have together. There is nothing in the world that could ever mean more than that."

Kelly smiled genuinely at her friend. "Thanks," she retorted. "You know, there is this whole side to Ryan that he never let anyone in the office see. He can be really sweet and understanding when he wants to be. Like when I'm sick, he'd always bring me this organic chicken broth he knew I'd like. It's hard to find, but he'd drive all over to find it. And then, he'd rub my back until I fell asleep. He'd always try to play it off like he was just doing those things so I wouldn't complain, but we both knew that he liked to take care of me."

"I've never really seen any part of Ryan other than the disconnected temp or the cocky boss," Jim confessed. "There were times he seemed kinda cool, but most of the time, he just seemed unaffected. The only time I saw any real emotion from him was when it involved you. Whether it was joy or anger, it was really the only time he ever seemed alive."

"I know that I'm a hard person to be around sometimes," she admitted. The revelation was far from groundbreaking but it said a lot about how far she'd come in the past few months. "Things between us were never perfect, but we actually had some really good times. It didn't really matter to me that he didn't show that to the rest of the world. It was kind of like it was a secret he kept for only me. You see, I didn't just fall in love with that Ryan. That's not how it works. You can't pick and choose. When you fall in love with a person, you have to accept all of them. I loved the disconnected temp just as much as I loved the optimistic business student and the sweet caretaker and the cocky boss. I just love Ryan."

For the first time, Jim felt like he truly understood Kelly. He had listened to her numerous times since Ryan's departure from Scranton, but he had never really gotten what she was saying. If he has listened hard enough, he would have realized that they were actually a lot alike. Underneath the sparkly eyeshadow and pink fingernails, Kelly was just a girl hopelessly in love with a boy who didn't realize it. For the past three years, Jim had been in that same role, loving Pam without her ever fully understanding. Now that he had his girl, he was determined that Kelly should have her own happy ending.

"If you still love Ryan, you need to give him this chance," Jim professed. "I know it's not easy to wait for someone, but you've waited this long. I really think he is going to come around. He is already starting to see the light, so a full realization can't be too far behind. He wouldn't have put himself out there like that if he didn't mean what he said. Besides, when it does work out, I promise you that it will be worth it."

"Ryan's not like you, Jim," Kelly pointed out. "He's never going to be the guy that makes this grand declaration of love. He'll never have exactly the right words to explain how he feels or know the right sweet gesture to sweep me off his feet."

"Maybe not, but what kind of guy is he?"

Thinking for a moment, Kelly searched her mind for the right words to explain the complexity behind Ryan. "He is the kind of guy who will pretend that he's forgotten your birthday, only to leave you a handwritten note on your pillow. He won't acknowledge it, but you both know that it's there. He bought me a stupid umbrella last year. I tried to be happy that he even remembered to buy me a gift, but I was pretty upset. Just when I was about to confront him, he came out of my kitchen holding a lopsided cupcake with a candle on top. He made the entire thing himself, down to the pink icing. He was so proud."

"I would have never guessed," Pam admitted. "He doesn't really seem the type." 

"That's the thing, he's not," Kelly agreed. "It had absolutely nothing to do with him. That was something Ryan did just for me. Sure, he didn't plan the romantic dinner that I thought I would have preferred or gave me the diamond necklace I'd been eyeing for months, but he gave me an incredible gift. Without knowing it, Ryan gave me a piece of his heart."

Pam felt grateful in that moment, knowing that Jim was definitely a rare breed. Not only could he manage those grand declarations, he also remembered the little things. She had never had to fight to have a piece of his heart; he had willingly given her the entire thing. Making a mental note to show him how grateful she was later, she forced herself to focus on Kelly's problem. "I think you should go to New York."

"I can't, Pam!" Kelly protested. "What if Ryan can never give me what I need? I deserve more."

Pam stopped walking and rested her hand on the woman's shoulder. "Ryan may not be able to give you exactly what you need, but he may just be able to give you something you never knew you wanted. We both know that you've managed to do that for Ryan. Maybe it's his turn. You'll never know if you don't go to him."

"She's right," Jim chimed in. "I know it's hard to put your heart on the line, especially after it's been broken before. But it only takes once to make it right, Kel, I know that firsthand. If I hadn't withdrawn from that corporate job, I never would have come back to ask Pam to dinner. Sitting in that office in New York, that was my epiphany. I know that Ryan will have his, too. You both deserve to share that moment."

Kelly tried to come up with a reason that she shouldn't go, but suddenly, none of them seemed to matter. With one last look at her friends, she took off in the opposite direction, running as quickly as her legs could carry her. Down the sidewalk and across the street, she breathlessly collapsed into her car. She had never wanted to get anywhere as quickly as she now wanted to get to New York.

For the next two hours, Kelly drove silently along the busy highway to New York. She had never been so focused on anything in her life. She usually opted for cheesy pop in the car, preferring songs from Fergie and Gwen Stefani. On this particular day, however, she chose a mixed disc she had made after Ryan left. It was all the indie rock songs that he had played for her. When she missed him the most, she would lose herself in the acoustic melodies and heartbreaking lyrics. As Coldplay faded into Iron & Wine, Kelly turned off the highway and headed for the heart of Manhattan. Skyscrapers loomed ahead as she expertly maneuvered her car between city buses and yellow cabs. Finally, as she turned off Madison Avenue, she saw her destination unfolding before her.

As she handed her keys off to the valet in front of the towering office building, she tried to imagine what seeing Ryan was going to be like. It was well past two, so he'd be tired like he always was after lunch. His tie would be slightly looser than it was this morning, his hair a little ruffled from running his fingers through it. Much past that, she didn't want to try to figure out his reaction. She wanted to experience this with him.

"Hi, I am looking for Ryan Howard," she told the pretty secretary posted in the lobby.

"Mr. Howard is on the 17th floor. Is he expecting you?"

"Definitely not," Kelly giggled. "I'm surprising him."

"Let me check with Grace, his secretary. I'll buzz her to tell her that you're here," she explained before punching a few numbers on her impressive switchboard. After a few moments of silence, she started to speak to the assistant. "Hey, Grace, it's Jane. Ryan has a visitor. Is he in?"

Kelly could barely hear Grace's reply. "He's in his office. Who is it?"

"She said that she is surprising him."

"Oh, well, I guess you can send her up then."

"Thanks," Jane replied before ending the call. Turning back to Kelly, she smiled softly. "You can just take the elevator up to 17. Grace will be expecting you."

With a curt nod, Kelly headed toward the brass elevator. Crowding in with people dressed in skirts and suits, she waited patiently as they made their way upward. With each floor, she became nervous, her stomach buzzing with butterflies. By the time the bell chimed for the 17th floor, she thought she was going to throw up. Collecting herself before heading into the frosted door of the Dunder Mifflin executive suites, she put on her bravest smile and forged ahead. "Hello, I am here to see Ryan."

"Ryan, you have someone here to see you."

"Who is it?" he nearly barked. Kelly knew right away that something had happened since their conversation earlier.

Grace looked at Kelly apologetically. "I'm sorry, he was in a good mood this morning, but he talked to someone in the Scranton branch. He's always in a bad mood after he talks to them." Then, pressing the intercom button, she addressed her boss. "It's a surprise."

"Fine, send whoever it is in," he relented, dropping the phone with a loud thud.

"Well, you can go on in. Enter at your own risk."

Kelly thanked the assistant and knocked on the door. Not hearing a response from Ryan, she threw it open and waited for him to turn away from the window. When he finally did, his hand flew immediately to cover his dropped jaw. Nearly jumping over the desk, he rushed across the room to meet her. Lifting her effortlessly off the floor, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. As she buried her face in the crook of his neck, Kelly remembered her words to Jim earlier. Maybe she hadn't known everything about Ryan because he had just proven her wrong. He had literally just swept her off her feet.


	5. Chapter 5

After holding her for a few moments, Ryan gently sat Kelly back on the ground. Glancing over her shoulder at Grace, he asked his faithful assistant to hold his calls. Taking Kelly's hand, he led her into his office and closed the door quietly behind him. She stood in the middle of the room, slowly turning in a circle to take every detail in. The office wasn't much, but it was his. With an incredible view of the skyline, he especially loved it at night when the entire city glittered around him.

However, the view of the city was nothing compared to the one in front of him. He looked into her chocolate brown eyes, still amazed that she was there with him. "You came," he breathed, his voice thick with everything that he couldn't say. "I can't believe you're here."

Kelly shrugged as if this was something she did every day. "You needed me."

Ryan had been wrestling with a story for quite awhile. He had wanted to tell her earlier on the phone, but he felt like it was an admission that needed to be made in person. There had been a million moments where he'd missed Kelly since leaving Scranton, but one stood out above the rest. He needed to share that moment with her because it was the only way he could truly convey how he felt. There were a million things they both knew he couldn't say, but it was about time he find a way to say at least one. She deserved this.

"Kel, I need to tell you something," he told her seriously. He immediately read the discomfort in her eyes. "It's nothing like that, don't worry. You have no idea how happy I am that you're here."

Taking Ryan's outstretched hand, she allowed him to guide her to the sofa. In the past, he would have sat on the opposite end from her, but this time, he sat down right next to her without ever letting go of her hand. "This is a nice change."

"A lot of things have changed," he emphasized. "About a month after I came here, I was having a really bad day. I was having a harder time learning the ropes around here than I expected, and the pressure was starting to get to me. After another conference call gone awry with Michael, I decided to go on a coffee run to help clear my head. There's this little independent coffee shop down the street that I like and I thought the atmosphere would help relax me. Of course, like everything else that day, I was completely wrong. There was a long line of people waiting, making the tiny space unbearably loud. Still, since I love their lattes so much, I decided to wait it out."

"When I finally got to the front of the line, there was this cute barista that I probably would have never noticed if she hadn't flirted with me. I was so wrapped up inside my own head to really notice. I just handed over my cash and took the latte. By the time I was back in my office, I realized that I should have asked for her number or something. It's really lonely in New York."

"Uh, Ryan, should you really be telling me this story?" Kelly interjected. "I didn't drive all this way to listen to you tell me how you should have asked out another girl."

"Just listen," he pleaded before transitioning back to his story. "Anyhow, by the time I finally left the office, it was pretty late. I couldn't find a cab anywhere, so I decided to take the subway back to my loft. The station was pretty deserted when I was waiting. I ended up sitting down on a bench and studying all the people around me. That's one of my favorite things about this city, the diversity. By the time I boarded, I was pretty sure that I had memorized everyone, but as the doors were closing, I saw someone standing along the wall that I hadn't noticed before."

"I couldn't see her face at first, only a head of black, silky hair. When she turned to the side, I felt my breath catch in my throat from the mere sight of her profile. I was so frantic to get out off that I stuck my arm through the closing doors. I could hear the conductor grumbling on the loud speaker as I ran toward the woman. When she finally turned around, I stopped suddenly. She wasn't who I expected. She wasn't you."

"You thought you saw me here?"

Ryan nodded. "Up until that moment, I hadn't realized just how much I wanted to see you again," he confessed. "The woman stared at me for a few moments, and I wondered how I could have ever mistaken her for you. Other than the hair, you looked nothing alike. I guess my mind was just so desperate that it conjured up a vision of you. And of course, that scared the hell out of me."

Kelly shifted uncomfortably next to him, not sure where his story was going. He must have sensed her concern as he turned his body toward hers slightly. Brushing his thumb over the top of her hand, he smiled into her eyes. She bit her bottom lip involuntarily in response. "So, then what happened?"

"You know me, Kel," he sighed. "I was so shaken up that I was determined to do anything to get you off my mind. I remembered the barista and figured out the best way to get back at my conscience was to ask her out. I ended up running almost the entire way back to the coffee shop hoping to catch her, which I did. It was the only time the whole day that anything worked out for me. She was just pulling down the gate when I got there."

"Ryan…"

"Just hang in there with me. I promise there's a reason," he assured her. "I started talking to the barista, trying my best to flirt with her. She seemed to be responding fairly well, which sort of left me feeling taken aback. It had been a long time since I had flirted with anyone other than you. When she reached up to touch my arm while she talked to me, I decided that I should ask her out. I just wanted to get back at you for making me feel the way that I did."

"I asked her if she wanted to get a drink the next evening after her shift and she agreed. She seemed happy that I had asked her out," Ryan continued. "I was kind of excited at the prospect of spending time with anyone other than my co-workers. It's hard to make any friends when you spend all your time working. We decided to meet at a bar just around the corner. Just as we were about to part ways, she asked for my business card in case something happened. I always keep spares in my wallet. She started talking about some customer she had, so I wasn't paying attention as I rifled through receipts for a card. I never did find a card, but I found something else instead. I found the key to your apartment."

Kelly smiled to herself, surprised that he had carried the key with him for all that time. She had completely forgotten that he even still had one. "Then what happened?"

"I cancelled the date," he said simply. "I made up some lame excuse about a forgotten meeting and told her that we would have to reschedule. I've never gone back there."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"That's when I realized, Kel," Ryan explained.

"Realized what, Ryan?"

"Come on, you know."

"No, you have to say it this time," she insisted firmly. "I've never made you say it before, even when I really needed to hear it. The only time you've ever said anything even remotely close is when we were having sex, and we both know that doesn't count. I need for this time to count, Ryan. Please."

Ryan felt a familiar wave of nausea wash over him. In the next moment, when she moved her knee between his legs, he felt completely content. "I knew that I wanted to be with you."

It wasn't quite what she was looking for, but it was close enough for now. "Oh, Ryan," she murmured softly as she leaned in to press he forehead to his. As his hands made their familiar journey up her arms to frame her face, Ryan felt like he was coming home

When their lips finally met, the world actually seemed to make sense again. Kelly turned her head slightly, giving him access to deepen the kiss. A low moan rumbled at the back of her throat as he pulled her closer to him. Her hands worked down his back and came to a rest on his thighs. After a few minutes, they pulled away breathlessly. Ryan traced his thumb along her bottom lip, swollen from his kiss. "You have never looked more beautiful."

Kelly blushed slightly before bringing her eyes back up to meet his. "I know," she taunted lightly, showing a little of the old Kelly to him for the first time in awhile. The next moment, it was gone, replaced by a serious woman full of questions. "I don't know how we do this. Where do we go from here? You can't quit your job in New York, and I'm not sure that I should leave Scranton."

"I don't know," he admitted, "but we'll find a way, Kel. We can take this one day at a time. We'll talk every night and alternate visiting on weekends. You can come stay with me in New York and I'll drive to see you in Scranton. I know that it's not going to be easy, but I really want to give this another try if you are willing."

"Ryan Bailey Howard, I have been in love with you for two years Of course I want to give this another try."

"I love…" he started to say before trailing off. He had almost let it slip.

He expected Kelly to become upset or tease him, but she didn't. Instead, she pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. "It's okay, I know."

"I know," he smiled. "You always know."

"And now you do, too. That's all I ever wanted."

"I'm sorry that I could never give you that before now."

"I knew you'd come around when you were ready. You were worth the wait."

"Thanks for hanging in there, Kel."


	6. Chapter 6

On the days when Scranton seemed especially unbearable, there was one thing Ryan could always count on to bring him out of his bad mood. When his future at Dunder Mifflin seemed hopeless, he knew that Kelly would be there to lift his spirits. She could tell his moods easily, the only person he'd ever known who was able to decipher the various meanings behind his blank looks. On those days, she would perch herself on the edge of his desk and tell him about whatever superficial topic she knew would take his mind of it.

Of course, she also knew that he wasn't likely listening to her. That wasn't usually the point of those conversations. Kelly used those times to talk about the things he didn't want to hear about so that he could just zone out. Ryan would lose himself in his mind, allowing himself the time to not think about anything whatsoever. At first, he wasn't sure that she knew he didn't listen, but eventually, he caught on. He realized that she used the time to talk about the things that she needed to get out but didn't really matter. Maybe it was silly that she cared so much about these people that she didn't know, but that was Kelly. She had such a big heart that she couldn't help but care about people. He knew that better than anyone.

Having her with him in New York brought back memories of those days. As she sat on the edge of his desk, watching him while he worked, he caught a flash of his old life. It almost scared him how easy it would be to slip back into old patterns. It would be simple for him to fall back into the pitfalls of a comfortable relationship with her, especially now that she lived two hours away. Ryan knew that if he worked it right, he could get back the old relationship they had shared for the past couple years. But when he thought about how miserable he had been, he knew that would be the wrong move.

Instead, he had to make a concerted effort to be a man worthy of Kelly's unconditional love and devotion. He had made a confession, and even Ryan Howard wasn't cruel enough to take back those words. They still had a long way to go before he would be ready for any kind of lifelong commitment, she knew that. Still, he knew that he loved her, and some day soon, he would be able to tell her that, too.

"The sun's starting to go down," she mused softly, her voice breaking him out of his thoughts. Kelly was staring past him, gazing out at the dusky horizon. "You know, in film, they call this the magic hour. The light is just perfect, not too light or too dark. It's supposed to be the best time to film."

Watching her, he could certainly see why the light gave way to perfection. "Well, if it's magic hour, what are we still doing in here?" he asked. "You have to be bored watching me work, and it's your first night in New York. We should be out celebrating."

"You know that I've always loved watching you work," she murmured before letting herself off the desk. "Ryan, I don't need a fancy dinner to celebrate. We can go back to your loft and watch movies all night. I don't care if you order in pizza or whatever. I'll even play X-Box with you. I just want to be with you."

"That's the sexiest thing any woman has ever said to me," he said huskily, reaching up to pull her into his lap. "Say it again."

"I'll even play X-Box with you," she repeated, giggling as Ryan nuzzled her.

Ryan wasn't the only one who had changed. Kelly had conceded to herself that if this was going to work, she was going to have to meet him in the middle. While she still held some of the same expectations, they were both going to have to make compromises. She realized that she didn't need the expensive dinners or luxurious gifts. He realized that she still deserved them sometimes. She knew that she needed to do things he enjoyed, like having beers with his friends or playing X-Box. He knew that he needed to do the things she enjoyed, like watching romantic comedies and doing pilates.

"I'll tell you what, why don't we have dinner somewhere nice?" Ryan decided. "There is this great Italian place not far from my loft. Afterward, we can go back to my place and play X-Box. I'll even let you pick the game."

Kelly nodded thoughtfully as she watched Ryan gather his things. He started to shove some paperwork into a brief case but thought twice, choosing instead to leave both behind. Grabbing only his coat and BlackBerry, he reached for her hand and flipped off the light. "My car's downstairs," she told him. "What should I do with it?"

"I'll get the keys from the valet and drive it over to my building," he replied. "We can leave it there. It's a beautiful night, we should walk to the restaurant. I want you to see my neighborhood."

It was a small gesture, but Kelly understood that Ryan was finding his own way of letting her into his life. Considering she had never even met his family, it meant more to her than she could even fathom. For the longest time, she thought it was the big things that defined a relationship, but now, she knew that the small things add up to mean pretty much everything.

"Wow, it's been awhile since I drove this thing," Ryan chuckled as he slipped behind the wheel of Kelly's car. Since she wasn't much smaller than him, there wasn't much adjusting to be done. As he turned the ignition, his hand flew instantly to the radio to turn the station. However, he stopped himself just in time to hear Coldplay coming from the stereo. "You're listening to Coldplay."

"I know this is your favorite song. I made this after you left," she confided. "I missed you so much, even your stupid music. This was like having a little piece of you with me."

Ryan laughed softly, reaching across to squeeze her hand. "If it makes you feel any better, I have your Christina Aguilera CD still stashed under my seat. I thought about mailing it back to you, but one day when I was feeling a little homesick, I listened to it."

"I can't believe you just admitted that to me," she teased.

"I can't believe it either," he agreed as he pulled the car out of the garage and onto the bustling street. The sun had completely disappeared below the horizon by then. The sky was a rich shade of black velvet, sprinkled intermittently with silver stars. "Hey, Kel?"

"Hmm?"

"This is the first night New York hasn't seemed lonely."

Kelly didn't say much over the next hour, giving Ryan plenty of opportunity to fill in the many blanks of the past two months. He talked all about the different people in his office, giving his opinions on their personalities and work methods. She learned about his neighborhood, his favorite places and the people who lived around him. Over dinner, he told her about the few friends he had made and some of the problems he had with Michael. She listened intently, answering in all the right places and offering an opinion or question when appropriate.

In the two years that she had known him, Kelly knew that this was the happiest she had ever seen him. He had the job he had always wanted, a home that anyone would kill for, lived in a city so full of life and now had the girl he had been missing all along. Still, try as she may, she couldn't ignore the nagging voice in the back of her head that was insisting that this was too good to be true.

"You haven't said much, Kel. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just listening to you and thinking how happy you seem," she answered.

"I'm happy because you're here."

"That's sweet."

"You're sweet," he countered. _Okay, that was just pathetic, even for Kelly_, he chided himself. "I'm sorry, that was lame."

"A little," she conceded, winking at him over the candlelit table. Ryan grinned at her in response. Kelly reached under the table, dropping her shoe to run her bare foot up the inside of his pant leg. "Are you ready to get out of here?"

Ryan nodded silently as he dropped a large bill on the table without even looking at the tab. That was one thing that had definitely changed. The old Ryan was so worried about money that he had counted every last cent, leading to many nights of cheap takeout. Now, he could afford to take her to the best places without a second thought. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he guided her out of the restaurant and into the crisp fall night. "Do you want to stay at my loft tonight? It's too late to drive back."

Kelly pursed her lips for a moment. "We're not ready for that," she replied. "It's fine, I can manage to get back to Scranton."

"Kel, I didn't mean that we have to have sex," he assured her. "I just want you to be safe. I can sleep on the couch if it makes you feel better. Stay in New York please. I'll take you to my favorite patisserie for breakfast."

"You don't have to bribe me," she grinned. "I just don't want to rush anything."

Neither of them said anything as they turned the corner in front of his loft. A uniformed doorman was posted out front, selectively allowing tenants to enter and exit the high-rent building. "Good evening, Mr. Howard," he greeted the couple.

"Hey, George," Ryan responded. "I want you to meet Kelly. If she is ever here and I'm not home, please make sure that you let her in."

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Kelly," George retorted. "If you ever need anything, just let me know. I'm always here at night. Alex is here during the day. We'll take care of you."

"Thank you," she said with a politely smile. George pulled the door open to allow them inside. As they headed for the private elevator, she noticed how plush his new home was. "This is really nice."

"It's home," Ryan shrugged, now jaded by his surroundings. Pressing the PH button for his penthouse loft, he was more into watching Kelly than looking at the things around him. "I hope you like my loft. I guess it's kind of empty still. I haven't had much time to decorate it. Maybe you could help me pick out a few things."

"I'm guessing that there will be a huge plasma TV with your X-Box still on the floor," Kelly teased.

Ryan laughed as he stepped off the elevator. There were only two tenants on the floor, Ryan and an elderly couple who traveled constantly. He enjoyed the silence in the midst of such a chaotic city. "That sounds about right," he admitted as he unlocked the front door. Standing back, he allowed Kelly to go in first.

Standing in the entryway, Kelly looked into the palatial room with amazement. Despite its bare furnishings and lack of color, it was a beautiful space. "Well, there's the plasma screen," she giggled. "I love these hardwood floors and the high ceilings. This place is great, so full of potential. I think I could help you do something with it. It still kind of looks like a bachelor pad."

Eyeing the leather furniture and bare walls, he nodded in agreement. "The kitchen has a full gourmet setup, not that I've ever used it. There is a great terrace outside. I bought a few plants to put out there, but it could still use some work. Let me show you around the rest of the place."

He happily led her to the other rooms of the apartment. There was a home office in a small bedroom, lined with bookshelves and the desk from his old apartment. It was one of the few nice pieces he had back in Scranton. Just down the hall was his own laundry room, something he coveted after years of communal laundry in various dormitory and apartment buildings. He seemed especially proud of his new dryer, explaining all its benefits to Kelly.

After brushing over the hall bath, Ryan finally showed her the master suite. "This is what convinced me to get this place," he explained before pulling the door open. Taking Kelly's hand, he brought her into his bedroom. His old full-sized bed was long gone, replaced with a beautiful hand carved sleigh bed. "I remembered what you said about how important a good bed was. I spent a long time picking it out, even the sheets and stuff."

Running her hand over the cashmere throw at the foot of the bed, Kelly admired the simple beauty of the set up. "This is exactly what I would have picked out for us."

Ryan felt the familiar sensation of his stomach turning over. "Us?"

"You," she corrected herself. "This is what I would have picked out for you."

"But you said…"

"I meant you, Ryan, drop it," she yawned. "Maybe we should just go to bed. I'm tired."

"Kel, don't do that," he pleaded. "I don't want to just brush over this stuff anymore."

"I don't really want to hear you freak out about you and me right now."

"About us," he corrected her. "We're an 'us' now. I'm not scared, but I'm starting to think maybe you are. I'm in this, Kel. I'm not going anywhere. You have to believe me."

"I'm not sure if I can."

"I knew this was a mistake."

"Ryan!"

Looking at his feet, Ryan shook his head silently. "I can't do this."


	7. Chapter 7

"I can't do this."

The words hung in the air like stale heat on a hot July day. Kelly felt her legs go weak as she sat on the edge of his bed, struggling to find her breath. Ryan started to move toward her but she held out a hand to stop him. She didn't want his hands anywhere near her. Leaning over, she rested her face in her palms, trying to figure out exactly how she got there.

She couldn't believe that she had been so stupid. Still entirely too vulnerable to his prowess, Kelly had believed Ryan when he told her that he cared about her. She had believed that they would find a way to make it work despite the odds. And at the first sign that she had any hesitation, he was calling her a mistake. He was suddenly falling back into old patterns, pulling away when anything got just a little uncomfortable. She wanted to be angry at him, but she couldn't. She had known the odds when she drove to New York. This time she had no one to be angry at but herself.

"Kelly, are you okay?" Ryan asked worriedly, noting the ashen hue that had fallen across her face. He watched helplessly as she started to shiver, pulling her knees up to her chin as she curled into a ball on his bed. He attempted to sit next to her but she recoiled immediately.

"Do not touch me," she insisted firmly but coolly. Turning away so that she didn't have to look at him, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut to keep the inevitable tears from falling. Finally, when she was unable to keep them at bay any longer, she allowed them to consumer her completely. Her entire body shaking with silent sobs, Kelly willed the overwhelming sadness to transform into anger. When Ryan tried to touch her again, her emotions came to a head. "I told you not to touch me! Ryan Bailey Howard, you are the biggest jerk I have ever known in my life! You made me believe that you really loved me when all this time you were just playing a game. I feel as used as Jennifer Aniston did after Brad Pitt left her. How could you do that to me?"

"How could I do that to you?" he spat incredulously. "You're the one sitting here telling me that you don't trust me. I poured my heart out to you, and you don't even believe what I'm telling you. You're the one who tried to get out of talking about our relationship."

"Because I knew you would get like this," she pointed out. "Any time anything gets hard, you pull away and then blame it on me. So what if I had doubts, Ryan? I had to live every single day with your doubts for the past two years. We've only been back together a few hours. Don't you think I deserve a little time in figuring this out? You didn't change over night. I hardly think it's fair that you expect me to."

Ryan jutted his chin defiantly. "I don't expect you to change, Kel," he countered. "I don't even want you to change. I want you to have that same faith in us that you always had. You already changed. I just wanted you to believe in our relationship again."

"It's hard to believe in something you just called a mistake!" she shouted furiously, balling her hands into fists at her side. "You just called me a mistake, Ryan. How the hell is that supposed to make me feel?"

He had never seen her so angry, not even when he had "accidentally" spilled her favorite nail polish when she was trying to coddle him into a manicure. "You're not a mistake. That's not what I meant," he argued.

"Then what did you mean? Look, I know that a lot f people think I'm just some ditzy girl who only cares about celebrities and clothes and that kind of stuff, but I thought you saw past that. I thought you had finally seen the real me."

"I did," he attempted. "I do."

"When I said that this bed is something I would have picked out for us, I meant it," she admitted. "And then I saw that familiar anxiety in your big blue eyes, and I immediately recanted. I couldn't stand to see you question it already. I tried to brush over it because I thought if I could convince you that it didn't matter, maybe I would actually believe it."

Ryan hated to admit it, but Kelly had a point there. The mention of "us" had been cause for pause, but he had quickly gotten over it. So much, in fact, that he had immediately pointed out that they were indeed an "us." Trying once again to touch her, he was thankful when she finally allowed him to rest his hand on her ankle. "Okay, I kind of had a moment back there," he agreed. "But then I got over it and told you that I am here to stay. I meant what I said, Kelly. I've meant every word I've said since that first time back in Scranton. I'm not going anywhere. I want to be with you."

"Why did you say this was a mistake?"

"When I said that, I didn't mean that you were a mistake," he explained. "I meant that if you can't believe me then this isn't going to work. I can't be in a relationship without any trust. I need you to believe me when I tell you how I feel about you. I care about you so much, Kel. This won't work if you don't accept that as the truth."

"I told you not to touch me," she said snidely, yanking her leg from his grasp. "You always find a way to blame everything on me. None of this is on you, is it? You can't admit that maybe I have a reason to doubt you. I want to be with you more than anything in the world, Ryan. I know that you care about me. I've known it for a long time. I just don't want to watch you give me the world only to take it all away again. I get to have doubts, I get to have concerns. If you can't deal with that, then you can't deal with me."

She was standing up now, her hands resting on her hip. Ryan stood up in her face, preparing himself to spout off another argument. Instead, he found himself pulling her body to his and crashing his mouth to hers. He could feel Kelly start to argue against his lips but quickly silenced her with a deep kiss. His fingers lacing together in her hair, he danced her backward until they fall on top of each other in the middle of the bed.

"What did I say about touching me?" she moaned as Ryan rolled her over, pinning her beneath his body. He grasped her arms and held them above her head, laying teasing kisses down her neck and across her collarbone. She tried to fight his powerful hold over her for a moment to no avail. Eventually, she gave in, wrapping her leg around his waist to bring him closer to her body.

Ryan reacted instinctively, leaning back on his heels to look down at her. With her dark hair splayed across the crisp white linens, she looked like a goddess. Leaning forward, he began to kiss her hungrily again while his fingers worked the buttons on her outfit. Peeling her shirt away, he brushed his fingertips over semi-clothed torso. Her skin tasted sweet as he down the middle of her chest and to her naval. Making his way back up her body, he finally let go of her hands.

Kelly yanked on the bottom of his shirt, indicating that she wanted it gone. Pulling it over his head, he discarded it on the floor before returning to her body. Her hands roamed over his bare back while they resumed kissing. Both legs now wrapped around his toned back, they were almost as close as two people could be. When he felt her tiny hands work their way around to his chest, Ryan knew what was coming next. Allowing her to flip them over so that she was on top, he closed his eyes and allowed the events to unfold.

"Look at me," she ordered, gazing deeply into his blue eyes. Biting her bottom lip, she lunged forward to capture his mouth again in a passionate caress. Nipping playfully at his neck, she brushed hands down his arms while her eyelashes tickled the underside of his chin. Showering kisses down his chest and onto his abdomen, Ryan felt a familiar stirring when she grazed her nails below his belly button. That was her signature move, one sure to push Ryan over the edge. His fingers met hers on his stomach, lacing together to bring her face back up to him.

They worked quickly to remove what little clothes remained, silently throwing them onto the pristine carpet with their shirts. Neither of them made too many noises, save for the occasional grunt or moan as they made out like two yearning adolescents. Ryan felt like he was discovering her body for the first time, eagerly anticipating her varied reactions to his touch. He liked the soft moan that escaped past her lips when he bit her bottom lip or the way she arched against him when he found an especially erogenous spot. Never breaking contact with her, he used everything in his arsenal to please her.

"I need you," Kelly implored hungrily, her body literally aching for him. She had missed being with him like this. Even when he had been distant, this was the one place they had been in sync. Ryan was able to let his guard down and allow himself to be vulnerable when he was with her like this, especially in the afterglow. "Please, Ryan."

Always willing to oblige her requests at times like these, Ryan spanned his fingers over her hips and adjusted their bodies so that they fit perfectly together. Turning them back over so that he was huddled over her face, he stopped for a moment just to look at her. "Look at me," he insisted, echoing her earlier sentiment. Kelly's hooded eyes fell open and met his serenely. Dipping down, he kissed her softly and sweetly, melting away any remaining doubt between the two of them. Pressing into her, he felt her tense beneath his body as two became one.

Kelly and Ryan went on like that for several minutes, eventually finding their rhythm. Kelly clutched his shoulder, her nails pressing into the flesh on his upper back. Ryan pressed his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling the sweet scent of citrus fruit. Just as they were about to hit their mutual peak, Kelly heard Ryan's soft whisper. "I love you," he murmured without looking up at her. She never had a chance to reply as they soon found themselves falling over the edge.

Awhile later, Ryan rolled off and nuzzled close to her body. Wrapping one arm around her bare torso, he let her tuck her icy feet beneath his warm legs. She didn't say much as she adjusted herself so that her head was resting on his chest, listening to the constant drum of his pounding heart. A comfortable silence fell over the room, leaving both of them alone with their thoughts.

In the aftermath of their passion, Kelly had often found herself wondering what Ryan was thinking. Sometimes, they would talk about things that otherwise were left said. Other times, he was quiet and contemplative. She respected his need for silence, maybe the only time she ever did. This time, it was she that needed the silence. She knew that an admission of love during sex didn't count, especially at the point of climax. Still, there had been something different about the inaudible declaration. Maybe this time it could count.

With his free hand, Ryan flipped off the bedside lamp and darkened the room. Pulling the sheets around their entwined bodies, he kissed the top of her head. "Good night, Kel."

"Good night, Ryan," she replied sleepily. She found his hand in the dark, entangling their fingers together. Of everything between them, holding his hand had always been her favorite. She was never really sure why, but it was what made her feel the closest to him. It was the most intimate of all their intimate acts. It was the one thing that wasn't about his physical pleasure, it was just about her. As she was about to drift to sleep, Kelly whispered her own confession into the night air. "I believe you."


	8. Chapter 8

In the early hours of the morning, Ryan rolled over to the other side of the bed when he realized that Kelly was no longer in his arms. Expecting to find her curled up beneath the comfort of his luscious Egyptian cotton sheet, he was surprised when his hands never found her body. His eyes flew open immediately as he shot up in bed, reaching to flip on the lamp next to his bed. He could feel his heart beginning to race as he realized that she was gone. Only the faint outline of her body on his mattress left any proof that she had ever even been there.

Swinging his lean legs over the edge of the bed, he reached for his discarded boxers and pulled them over his narrow hips. Rubbing his palm over his beard, he padded down the dark hallway in search of his phone. Sleeping with Kelly for two years had taught him many things, one being that the woman could never get out of bed quietly. The very fact that she had slipped from his room without being detected was enough to consume him with worry. With no note or an explanation left behind, he was sure that something was terribly wrong.

He turned on the light in the kitchen and pulled his BlackBerry from his briefcase. Scanning through the endless list of contacts, he decided that it was taking too long and started to dial her number. He had memorized it by that point, something he hadn't even realized until that moment. As he started to push the connect button, a flash of periwinkle blue on the terrace caught his eye. Dropping the phone back to the counter, he timidly started for the outdoor balcony to check it out.

"Oh, it's you," he murmured, his voice nearly inaudible over the sounds of the city. In the far distance, he could hear the wailing of an ambulance siren and the steady hum of a train. "I thought that you had left. Your clothes were gone. I was just about to call you because I was worried."

Kelly smiled up at him behind her dark hair. Clad in only his dress shirt, she was pacing the length of the terrace, happy to be alone with the city and her thoughts. "I didn't mean to startle you," she apologized. "You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to wake you up. I couldn't really sleep, so I thought I'd come out here to think. I threw my clothes in the washer so that I would have something to wear tomorrow. I hope you don't mind that I'm wearing your shirt."

Slipping behind her, Ryan wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "It looks better on you than it ever did on me," he complimented her. "Something is clearly on your mind, Kel. You should have woken me up to talk about it. Or do you not want to tell me?"

She leaned her head back against him, content to be in his arms again. Nothing had ever felt as right as when Ryan was holding her, especially like this. "I was just thinking about how far two hours seems," she responded. "When I'm here with you like this, I can't imagine ever letting a day pass without seeing you. I know that I probably shouldn't get all serious like this so fast because it could scare you. I just can't help how I feel."

Ryan understood her reluctance immediately, well aware that his past behaviors would certainly dictate such fears. "You never have to apologize for how you feel," he assured her. "I'm not exactly excited about saying goodbye to you either, but I don't really see another way. Not yet, at least. It's too soon for either of us to consider changing our lives. Even if we have a two-year history, this stage of our relationship is so new. I want this to work so much, so I'm scared that we're going to rush things."

"This time I'm kind of glad that you're so scared," she confessed. Ryan could see her faint smile in the dark, her dark eyes glittering in the pale moonlight. She turned around in his arms. Reaching up, he tenderly pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before pressing his forehead to hers. "I've wanted this so much that I'm afraid I would push you. You're right, it's important that we take our time with this. I just don't want to let too much time pass us by. I don't like the thought of living my life without you."

"Even if I'm not there every day, we're not living our lives apart anymore," he vowed. "Any big decision or change, you're in there now. You have a vote. I'm not doing anything without you."

Kelly threaded her fingers behind his neck and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. "That helps a little," she smiled against his lips. "It's important because I can really see a future with you, Ryan. Married with a house in the suburbs, I think we'd be great parents. I was thinking about it when I was lying in bed earlier. I still think Usher is a good name for a baby."

Turning away from her, Ryan let his eyes drift over the bright skyline. "Let's just take it one step at a time," he said wearily. While he was confident in his current relationship with Kelly, he still didn't feel comfortable talking about the future. A part of him knew that they would have one; a part of him had always known they would have one. Still, talking about buying a house and picking baby names was moving just a little too fast for him. "It's cold out here. Let's go back to bed."

She knew instantly that she had gone a step too far. Any time Ryan pulled back suddenly, Kelly knew that she had lost ground. In the past, she would have spent the entire night trying to make up for it by any means necessary. Now, she knew that she didn't have to apologize for what she wanted. He knew that, too. "I think I am going to stay out here a little longer," she decided. "You can go back to bed. I'll be in when I'm ready."

"Don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"So damn stubborn," he shot back. "You know that you're cold. You're just staying out here because you don't like how I reacted. If you're upset with me, that's fine. Just don't stay out here to prove a point."

Crossing the balcony, Kelly turned back and looked at him. "Don't tell me what to do," she told him pointedly. "If I stay out here, it's because I want to stay out here. Not everything has to do with you, Ryan. You're not the center of my universe. I make my decisions for me."

There was that brave reverie that he loved so much. "Fine, stay out here and freeze," he relented with a soft chuckle. "I am going back inside. Come to bed when you're ready."

Kelly didn't say anything as Ryan disappeared back into the loft. Once she heard the door slide shut, she leaned over the metal railing and looked to the sky. New York City had almost everything anyone could ever want, but it was seriously lacking in a beautiful night sky. She suddenly missed the stars that brought her so much comfort in Scranton. She liked knowing that there was at least one consistency in the world – that everyone lived under the same sky. Without the stars to guide her here, she wasn't sure how she would ever make it.

She hated that she had brought up children again. It had always been a serious point of contention for them in the past. While he had always enjoyed falling into bed with her, Ryan had always been a strict practitioner of safe sex. The last thing he ever wanted was for her to "accidentally" come up pregnant. He had gotten even worse after seeing her with Hannah's baby. Kelly knew that the fear wasn't likely really about her. It was more about the fact that Ryan wasn't confident about his own abilities as a potential parent. She was sure in time that he too would see the amazing man she had always loved.

Sitting in the wicker chair, she pulled her knees up to her chin and shivered. A gentle breeze whipped around her, chilling her to the bone. Ryan had been right when he'd said that she was too stubborn to come inside. There was nothing more she would love than to be in the warmth of his arms, but she needed to maintain her own independence. There was a lot going on with her that he didn't know. It might be stupid that she was still standing out there, but she needed this. And as much as she needed to stay outside, she needed to tell him her secret even more.

The opening of the door broke Kelly's train of thought. Ryan came back outside, holding a blanket and a pair of socks. He'd put on a hoodie and socks since going back inside. Taking her hand, he pulled her from the chair and brought her to the love seat. Sitting down, he silently guided her back down beside him. Pulling her into his lap, he spread the blanket over them both and snuggled into her neck. "If you insist on being stubborn and freezing out here, I'm going to sit with you."

Ryan expected her to squeal about how sweet he was, but instead, she remained eerily quiet. "Do you know what tomorrow is?" she asked softly. Ryan shook his head. "Seven years ago tomorrow, my sister was killed in a car accident. It's the hardest day of the year. I always hate when it comes."

"Tell me about her," he whispered into her ear, urging her to break open the wound she kept hidden from the rest of the world. "I want to know about Anna."

"She was perfect, Ryan," she revealed. "When you were still in Scranton, I would find myself watching you and thinking how great the two of you would have been together. She was mature and intelligent. Everyone loved her. She had all these huge plans for the future, including graduate school. She wanted to be a lawyer. I looked up to her so much."

"She sounds a lot like you."

Kelly shook her head. "Anna was everything that I'm not."

"I don't know about that," he argued gently. "You have grown up so much in the time that I've known you, especially over the past few months. And you are one of the smartest people I have ever met, even if I don't always give you credit for it. You have this way with people; you can read them like no one else. You're a dreamer. Even if you don't want to be a lawyer, you know who you want to be. A lot of people look their entire lives and never find that."

"But I just want to be a wife and mother," she pointed out. "Anna wanted to be a lawyer. My parents were so proud of her. I've never once seen them look at me the way that they used to look at her. After she died, I worked so hard to give them just a small piece of what they lost."

"Kel, you have to be who you are. If you're not, it's like losing two people. While I am sure that I would have liked Anna, I would have never fallen in love with her."

"You have no idea. She could have been the love of her life. Like I said, everyone loved her."

"Well, I wouldn't have, not like that," he promised. "I would have still fallen in love with you. I was meant to fall in love with you. No one else would have ever felt right."

They were both silent as the weight of his admission sank in. Without realizing it, Ryan had admitted that he loved her. "You said…"

"I know what I said," he stated firmly. "I just told you that I had fallen in love with you, and it's true." He turned to her and traced his thumb over her jaw gently. Her eyes peered into his, seeing easily that his heart was wide open. For the first time since she had known him, there was nothing in the way of letting her in. "Kelly Kapoor, I love you."

"Say it one more time."

"I love you, Kel."

"You showed up for me," she retorted.

"What?" he asked, slightly taken aback that she hadn't had a big response to his declaration.

"I used to tell Anna that I didn't need the fairytale as long as I could find a man who would show up for me," she explained. "Right now, with this blanket and your quiet understanding, you showed up for me. Your ability to just show up…I'm falling in love with you all over again."

"I love you, Kel," he tried again.

"I love you, too, Ryan," she echoed, throwing her arms around his neck.

Without saying anything else, Ryan knew exactly what she wanted. Tucking a hand under her knees, he scooped her up and carried her toward the door. Negotiating the door open with his hip and closing it with his right foot, he took her into his bedroom. Helping her into bed, he lay behind her like a spoon and laid his arm over her waist casually. Her fingers found his under the sheets, lacing their hands together on her stomach. Even though they didn't make love again, Ryan knew that they had never shared such an intimate moment.


	9. Chapter 9

In the two years that Ryan and Kelly had dated in Scranton, she had always been the one to wake up first. At the beginning of their relationship, she had trained her internal clock to get up early. She never wanted him to see her not looking her best. After they had been together for awhile, she'd wake up early to watch him sleep. He hated it when he would catch her, always telling Kelly how uncomfortable it made him feel. Still, she would steal those rare moments to watch him, imagining the future she wanted more than anything and feared they would never have.

On this particular morning, however, Ryan was the first one to wake up. Propping himself up on his elbow, he watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she slept peacefully. Last night had been long and emotional, too much for the former version of himself to handle. However, the more confident Ryan knew that he needed for last night to happen if his relationship with Kelly was ever going to move forward. She deserved to hear those words, to be sure that he loved her as much as she loved him. Perceptive beyond words, she had given him the time and space to express his feelings in his own way. Even after he had told her, her reaction had been perfect. If hadn't already loved her, that would have been enough to make him fall.

"Good morning," she murmured without opening her eyes. Ryan smiled privately to himself, reaching down to press his lips against hers. She kept her mouth tightly closed, refusing to let him inside. Early morning was the one time she would never let him kiss her. Afraid of bad breath, she had never broken her resolve. "I don't have a toothbrush."

"You can use mine."

"Ew, Ryan!" she squealed, giggling as he teasingly tickled her ribs. Kelly squirmed under his touch, wriggling around in the sheets so that they both became entangled. "I cannot use your toothbrush. I love you, but that's just gross."

Ryan chuckled, trying to figure out how she could let his tongue in her mouth but not his toothbrush. "I actually have a spare one for you in the kitchen," he confessed. "I snuck out earlier this morning to pick up a few things. I knew you didn't have much with you, so I wanted to make sure you had your favorite shampoo and a toothbrush. I also picked up some fresh croissants from a place around the corner."

Her eyes lit up at his consideration. "You remember what kind of shampoo I use?" she asked happily, allowing him to wrap his arms around her. She sighed happily as he planted kisses on her forehead, eyelids and cheeks. "Where has this guy been hiding this entire time?"

Shrugging, Ryan smiled down at her. "I also took off the day from work. I know that today is going to be a hard day for you, so I thought we could spend it together. I've already made reservations for tonight, so you can't turn me down. I called Pam and let her know that you wouldn't be coming in. She said that she would make up some excuse to Michael. And since I planned tonight, we can do anything you want today."

"Anything?" she drawled seductively. "If you leave it up to me, we might never make it out of bed. I mean, we do have some serious time to make up."

"Exactly," he emphasized, pushing her hair back off her forehead. "Kel, I want to give you the perfect day and the perfect night. I have a lot to make up for, including buying you horrible gifts. I mean, a pink umbrella?"

"I was just happy that you remembered my birthday," she laughed humorlessly. "Honestly, that stuff doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters to me now is the man that you are here with me. If you never bought me another gift for the rest of my life, knowing that you love me would be more than enough."

"But don't you see? You deserve the best of everything," he replied. "In fact, to make up for two years worth of horrible gifts for anniversaries, birthdays and holidays, I want to take you to buy an outfit for tonight. You'll need something nice for where we're going."

While part of her knew that she should tell him that it wasn't necessary, the girly girl in Kelly was excited. "Well, if you insist," she giggled. "What else are we going to do tonight? I mean, a girl has to know how to dress."

"I'm not telling you," he insisted firmly. "Just get a nice dress and you'll be fine."

"Oh, I bet I can get you to tell me," she declared, rolling over on top of him. Ryan moaned as Kelly raked her fingernails up his arms and into his hair. Leaning down, she licked his bottom lip before kissing him. She knew that it was a dirty trick to kiss him like that, especially when she hadn't brushed her teeth. Still, desperate times called for desperate measures, and she was pulling out the big guns. "Come on, Ryan, tell me. I promise I'll make it worth your while."

"After you find out what I have planned for you tonight, I can pretty much guarantee that will be a given," he shot back confidently. Kelly swatted him playfully as he grinned cockily, neither of them bothering to deny it. "I'm not going to tell you, so you might as well drop it. I want tonight to be a surprise. Can you just leave it be for me?"

"Ugh, fine!" she huffed, climbing off his body. Ryan looked at her questioningly, holding out his arms in disappointment. She shook her head in response. "If you're not going to tell me, you're not getting any. Besides, I want to eat a croissant and take a shower. You should probably run to the ATM because I plan on spending a lot."

Jumping out of the bed, Kelly giggled as she ran down the hall into the kitchen, Ryan following close behind. "Paybacks are a bitch," he reminded her as she dodged out of his embrace. She shrugged her shoulders and hopped on the counter to enjoy her breakfast. He pretended to pout as she ignored him, carefully picking apart her chocolate croissant.

"Oh, stop it, you big baby!" she exclaimed sarcastically, pulling on his hand to bring him closer to her. He settled between her parted legs, leaning against the counter while she fed him bits of food. "Thank you for getting these. I love them."

"And I love you," he retorted, allowing himself to say those words for only the third time. "I don't know why I waited so long to tell you that. It's not even that hard. I guess getting it over with that first time was all I needed to do."

"They always say that admitting it is the hardest part."

Hours later, Kelly and Ryan returned to his loft with several parcels from some of the finest stores New York had to offer. He had been patient all day, holding her purse in fitting room after fitting room while she tried on gowns across the city. Ordinarily, he would have been angry at how she dragged him around, but this was her day. She deserved to have a few hours of pure selfishness, even if it was at his expense – literally and figuratively. Finally, she had decided on a dress without letting him see it. If he was set on surprising her, she had a few tricks up her sleeve as well.

Ryan agreed to use the spare bedroom and hall bathroom to get ready. Kelly wanted him to pick her up as though it was a real date even though she was in his house. Willing to pretty much give her anything she wanted, he had happily agreed. Now, as he stared at his reflection in the mirror, he hoped that he wasn't pushing himself too hard too soon. He'd deal with the doubts later, he decided. Tonight needed to be perfect.

He had picked out his favorite black suit for the night. It was his version of the tuxedo, updated with a pure silk black necktie. As he heard the shower turn on in his bedroom, he quickly plugged in the electric razor she had given him in Scranton. Kelly hadn't said anything since then, but he knew that she hated the beard. Shaving it off was the first thing he planned on doing for her. The rest would come later.

After dressing and pacing nervously around the living room for more than an hour, Ryan finally knocked on his bedroom door to "pick up" Kelly. He felt all sense of reality slip away and breath escape from his lungs when she swung open the door. Dressed in a long beaded white gown and matching heeled sandals, she looked heaven-sent. Her hair was pulled back into an intricate knot, ringlets framing either side of her beautiful face. She smiled shyly as he appraised her, taking in every inch of her curvy figure. "My God," he stammered, too awestruck to get much else out. "Kel."

"Thanks," she replied demurely, batting her long eyelashes at him. Ryan wordlessly slipped his hand into hers, wrapping his long finger over her much smaller ones. With her free hand, she reached up and grazed his smooth cheek. "There you are."

"I don't need to hide anymore," he replied softly before leading her out of the loft. He held her hand in elevator on the way down, smiling as people got on and off the lift. An older man smiled at them knowingly while a little girl raved over how pretty Kelly looked. When they finally reached the lobby, he reached over and whispered in her ear. "You really are the most beautiful woman in the world."

Kelly blushed as the doorman opened the door for them. "I forgot my keys upstairs," she said suddenly, looking up at him with worry in his eyes.

"We're not taking a car."

"I can't walk in these heels."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he assured her before pointing to their waiting ride. Parked at the curb was an intricate carriage with a pair of white horses. "Your surprise is a fairytale, only this one doesn't include things falling apart at midnight."

The driver hopped down from his perch to help the passengers into the carriage. It was a beautiful New York, the night crisp and clean. Ryan wrapped his arm around her protectively as they made their way toward Central Park. For the first time, Kelly didn't want to know what would happen next. She just wanted to enjoy the moment. People swirled around them, periodically stopping to admire the beautiful couple in their majestic ride. Remembering all the times she had watched couples with admiration for what they shared, she truly appreciated the amazing gift Ryan was giving her. Snuggling closer to him, she closed her eyes in hopes that she would always remember it exactly like this.

A few minutes later, the carriage stopped inside the park. White lights twinkled in the trees as the aroma of gourmet dining hung in the air. Shaking off the driver, Ryan helped Kelly from the car and led her toward Tavern on the Green. He had arranged for a private table far from the other diners, complete with their own waiter. He had ordered ahead, securing all her favorites. A single red rose waited on her plate while a violinist was on standby to play classical renditions of her favorite songs. It was exactly how he had imagined it.

"Ryan, this is perfect," she murmured as they finished the dessert course.

"Well, almost," he agreed before pushing back his chair. He nodded for the violinist to come over. Tucking the instrument beneath his chin, the man quickly went to work playing Coldplay's "The Scientist." Kelly's eyes lit up in recognition of the song as he reached for her hand. "I sort of think of this as our song now. Would you like to dance?" Kelly nodded as they began to sway in time to the music. As the first verse faded into the chorus, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of her head on his shoulder. "Now it's perfect."

_Author's Note: I just wanted to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story. It's so great to have people out there who love these two characters as much as I do, and it makes it even better when those same people love to read my story as much as I love to write it!_


	10. Chapter 10

Spending that last night in New York with Kelly had changed things in Ryan he didn't even know existed. Waking up with her in his arms, feeling the weight of her against his body, he was certain for the first time in such a long time that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Saying goodbye to her the next morning at the car had been long and painful, but he had vowed then and there to find a way to make it work. He never wanted to see a shadow of doubt pass over her beautiful eyes again. Ryan would do anything to make sure that she never felt an ounce of pain because of him.

In the week that had passed since that morning, he had spent most nights at home with her on the phone. Whether it was watching the same movie in bed or sitting on his terrace and looking up at the stars, he did what he could to be with her. When he had to go out or she was busy, he was constantly checking his BlackBerry for even the smallest point of contact from her. They messaged each other constantly at work, sent emails while they were in meetings and exchanged text messages while they were at restaurants. Even when he was focused on his work, Kelly was always on Ryan's mind.

Some people would wonder how Ryan had fallen so hard so fast, but they both knew the trust. Their love had been two years in the making, even though she had fallen for him on that first date before Valentine's Day. He had hid a lot of his true feelings from everyone, including himself. Now that he had finally accepted everything that had been so apparent to her all along, he wanted to share it with the only other person who had ever really mattered to him.

"Hey, Mom," he said softly, happy to hear his mother's contented sigh on the other end of the line. He hadn't talked to her in a few weeks even though she had tried to call at least a half dozen times. "Sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet, but work has been busy."

"It's not just work, is it?" she asked knowingly. "Who is the girl, Ryan? Have you gotten back together with Kelly?"

Ryan smiled to himself. "Yeah, I am definitely back together with Kelly," he answered. "How'd you know?"

"The only other time I can remember you sounding happy since you graduated from college is when you got the New York job," she retorted. "The rest of the time, your happiness always seemed to come from Kelly. Even if you didn't want to admit that it was serious, I knew that she made you feel good about yourself."

"She still makes me feel good about myself," he confessed. "In fact, I am completely in love with her. Not only was getting this job the best thing for my professional life, it has proven to be the best thing for my personal life. Leaving Scranton made me realize how much I missed her. New York has been lonely without her, but when she surprised me last week, I knew that I would never have to feel alone again."

On the other end of the line, Ryan's mom paused hesitantly. She loved her son more than anything and wanted to believe that he had found love so easily. However, she also knew his tendency to run away when things got too serious. She feared that two hearts would end up broken in the end, and the thought of either of them hurting killed her. "Just remember that you have all the time in the world, Ry," she reminded him. "You don't have to take things too fast. Kelly has waited this long for you. I know she'll be patient as you figure this out."

"You don't really sound all that happy for me. I really thought that you would be proud of me. You're the one who is always telling me not to hide from how I really feel, Mom. Now that I've finally done that, you're telling me to take my time. Kelly deserves to have everything that I have denied her for so long."

"I know that Kelly deserves that, honey, that's not what I'm staying," she explained. "I just want to make sure that you do this the right way so that you don't end up hurt. I would hate for either of you to rush it because I think that the two of you are meant for each other."

Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I appreciate what you're saying, but I just can't hear this right now," he told her. "I needed to hear that you were happy for me and that I'm doing the right thing. I shouldn't have called you."

"This is exactly what I mean, Ryan. When anything gets too hard, you pull away. I don't want you to do that with her. I'm not sure how many more chances Kelly will give you."

"Kelly loves me," he argued. "She will give me as many chances as we need because she knows how much I love her. I guess it doesn't really matter if you believe in us because she has more than enough faith in me."

With that, Ryan ended the call and tossed his phone onto the mahogany desk. His assistant knocked lightly on the door, hesitating to poke her head inside. "You have that conference call with the Scranton branch in a couple minutes. I called Pam to make sure that the video conferencing software has been installed. She said that the IT guy just set it up in the conference room. I'll have you ready to go in a few."

"Thank you," he responded, dismissing her with a curt nod. When the door clicked shut, he shuffled through the scattered files in his inbox until he came across the Scranton itinerary. Jotting down a few notes, he rejoined his assistant in the small meeting room after she buzzed him down. "Michael?"

"We're here, Ryan," Michael said, his grainy image filling the LCD screen hanging on the wall. Ryan could see Jim, Pam, Oscar and Toby just behind his former boss' head. "Looking good, my little prodigy."

"Um, thanks, Michael," Ryan replied, his body shaking involuntarily from the awkward comment. "I believe Pam has passed around the memo I sent over earlier this week concerning the new customer database. Has everyone had a chance to look over it? Are there any questions before we begin?"

Dwight's hand shot up immediately, not shocking anyone. "Question. I have all my contacts on a rolodex, which is always readily accessible. What do we do if your little program goes down?"

"It's always a good idea to keep a hard copy of anything you have online," Ryan reminded them. "However, you can be confident that everything Dunder Mifflin houses online is backed up several times during the working day. The virtual database can be used to better connect the branches with corporate as well be accessed during business travel."

"Now, if there aren't anymore questions, I would like to make Jim the point person on this project," he declared. "He has completed the training required to help familiarize everyone on staff with the program. He will be holding a half-day class one day next week to go over the finer points. In the mean time, I have emailed each of you the login information so that you can explore the software."

Over the next few minutes, Ryan answered a few inane questions from the branch. The entire time, he kept his eyes focused on Kelly. Dressed in a straight black skirt and a sage green sweater, she epitomized classic femininity. He remembered a meeting last year when they had sat together in the back, her arm looped through his and her head resting on his shoulder. Even in his unattached state, he knew that had been nice.

"Excuse me, Ryan?" Pam spoke up. "It's almost time for lunch. Is there anything else you needed to discuss?"

"Actually, I will be calling a few of you to talk about individual projects. Until then, enjoy the rest of your day," he said. Just as the screen faded to black, he could hear Stanley talking about how much more bearable he seemed. It was one more thing he could contribute to Kelly.

His assistant looked to him for further direction. Feeling happy and more than generous, he smiled at her widely. "Why don't you take the rest of the day off? I have a few things I need to finish and then I am going head home early."

Knowing that it wasn't like Ryan to make such an offer, she smiled thankfully and excused herself. When he finally came out of the conference room, there was no sign that she had ever been there. Settling back into his plush leather chair, he quickly pulled up his email to check over the messages. Ignoring an email from his boss as well as a couple from Michael, he felt immediate disappointment when Kelly's name didn't show up. Double clicking his private files, he opened the digital picture she had sent a few days before. Whenever the day wasn't going fast enough, one look at her smile was more than enough to sustain him.

Just as he was about to reach for his phone to call her, an unpleasant ring filled the air. "Ryan Howard," he announced primly into the phone. A soft giggle filled his ear. "I was just about to call you. I needed to hear your voice."

"Oh?" she replied innocently. "I saw you watching me during the conference call. You weren't even paying attention when Angela was talking about how it would affect accounting. I think you would have agreed to anything in your distracted state."

"I was just counting the minutes until I could talk to you again," he said flirtatiously. "Tomorrow is Friday, after all. I wanted to make sure that our plans have been confirmed."

He could hear Toby ask her something in the background as she offered a muffled answer. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow night," she murmured. "Seven days is definitely cruel and unusual punishment, Mr. Howard."

"I am your boss, Ms. Kapoor," he reminded her. "I'll decide what is cruel and unusual, and if I remember right, you like a little punishment."

"Ryan!" she squealed, her high-pitched tone causing him to cringe. Quickly gathering herself, she tried to ignore the crimson making its way up her throat. "You might be the boss in the office, but we both know that I have an uncanny ability get my way."

"You are the perfect woman for me, you know that?"

"I'm not perfect, Ryan, just like you're not too perfect. We're just two people loving each other the best that we can for as long as we can. As long as we can remember that, I know that we'll always find a way to be okay."

Ryan could hear someone else talking to Kelly now. It sounded like Pam. "You have a delivery," he could just make out. Kelly excused herself and sat the phone down to sign for her package. He soon heard another squeal followed by the soft thud of someone putting something down. "Ryan Bailey Howard, you sent me flowers."

"There's a first time for everything," he responded sheepishly. "I told you that I have a lot of time to make up for."

"Hey, I'm not complaining," she laughed. "Thank you, Ryan. They are absolutely beautiful. Pink lilies are my favorite. I'm not sure how you knew that."

He groaned reluctantly, still not believing how far he had gone to make sure that she got her favorite flowers. "I had to call your mom," he confided. "She still hates me, just so you know. However, I eventually managed to convince her to tell me. I wish I could tell you that I was listening all those times when you told me your favorite things, but I wasn't. I'm listening now."


	11. Chapter 11

Each Sunday evening, Kelly dreaded the long goodbye that would inevitably come at her car or his. It would be spread out over an hour, and more than once, had resulted in an immediate return trip upstairs to the bedroom. All week long, she craved his touch. By the time the weekend was almost over, she still had never had enough to satisfy her. The simplest thing like a grazed elbow was enough to leave her reeling for several minutes.

This particular Sunday, however, was harder than most. It was the beginning of November, and the familiar coldness of a long Northeastern winter was beginning to set in. Ryan had made the trek to Scranton that weekend, his fourth in the past two months. Their usual Friday night custom when he came to visit her had quickly become a double date with Jim and Pam. The couple had easily become their best friends after Jim and Ryan had finally put their unspoken battle to rest. Whatever had long existed between them was now gone, leaving the four of them able to enjoy hanging out.

On Saturday, he had surprised her by inviting her entire family to dinner. Her parents still didn't like him, but Ryan had clearly won over her younger sisters. Sure, they thought he looked like Zach Braff, but that wasn't an entirely bad thing. They liked his lame attempts at being funny and appreciated the adoring way he looked at their big sister. Kelly liked to steal a private moment to watch them interact, appreciating that at least part of her family could accept the man that loved her.

"Kelly, he isn't good enough for you," her mother had told her in the hushed, refined tone that she always did. "Your father and I have found a good doctor for you to marry. He is very wealthy and can support you. Ryan isn't ready for that."

Her father had pretty much repeated the same conversation verbatim, only offering that she had a certain obligation to follow her parents' wishes. Kelly had tried to argue, pointing out that this was America and not the archaic version of Indian culture they had been raised in. She didn't want to disrespect her parents' upbringing, but so much had changed since their time in the homeland. Fiercely independent and terribly romantic, Kelly believed with all of her being that she was meant to be with Ryan. She wouldn't falter on her commitment to him, not even for her parents.

In the car on the way back to her apartment, they had both been unusually quiet. Their hands interlocked on the leather seat between them, Kelly had spent most of the drive staring silently out the window. Ryan had glanced over at her more than once, trying desperately to figure out what was on her mind. Finally, as he pulled into the carport of her apartment building, he decided to quit trying to figure it out and just ask her.

"What did they say to you?" he asked gently. "You've been so quiet since they took you into the kitchen to talk. What happened?"

"The same thing that always happens," she answered absently. She couldn't bear to bring her eyes to his, sure that she would dissolve into tears if she did. "My parents think I should marry an Indian doctor and raise a big family. They think they know what is best for me, and that's certainly not you. My mom said that you aren't ready to take care of me, and my dad tried to guilt me into submission. I'm just so worn out by the same old rhetoric."

It burned Ryan that her parents couldn't accept Kelly's choices. She had spent most of her life just trying to make them proud and the one time that she dare question their judgment, they nearly shun her. He could understand if their apprehension was about him hurting her, but that wasn't even a factor in their distain for him. Their dislike was centered upon the fact that he wasn't who they chose. His parents absolutely adored Kelly, but her parents thought Ryan was the scum of the earth.

Kelly could read the hurt in Ryan's eyes when she finally gathered the courage to look up at him. "It doesn't matter to me what they think, Ryan," she promised. "They're not the ones who get to live my life. I've always done what they wanted but not this time. You are my choice – the only choice."

He smiled at her softly and squeezed her hand. "You are so strong, Kel," he complimented her. "They don't give you enough credit. They think you need me to support you, but little do they know that it's the other way around. I was lost without you."

"We'd be lost without each other," she corrected him before he led her by the hand upstairs. They had spent the rest of the night up talking about her parents, carefully devising a plan based on teamwork to help deal with them. They would provide a united front. If Kelly could show her parents that they worked as unit, maybe they would believe in their daughter's choice. If they couldn't, she was prepared to live her life without their blessing. Her heart told her that she had no other option.

Sunday had been lazy, spent entangled in the sheets with a newspaper and coffee. An early snowstorm had left the city silent until the afternoon hours, but by then, Kelly and Ryan were too far gone to ever leave the apartment. Instead, they watched DVDs from the comfort of her couch, alternating choices until it was time for Ryan to head back to the city. Kelly groaned miserably as she watched him pack. By now, he was leaving more and more at her apartment every time he gave to visit under the guise that it didn't make sense to haul stuff everywhere. She had noticed that he had emptied a dresser drawer and bathroom shelf for her in his loft. It was like a little part of her was always there even if she was not.

"I hate you for leaving," she murmured as she pressed him against the car. They always started their goodbyes with this line, which was only halfway true. Ryan nodded as he brought his face closer to her, eyelashes tickling her cheek. Kelly threaded her arms around his neck and licked her lips in anticipation. When the kiss finally came, she savored it for each moment that it lasted. As they finally pulled apart, she was left feeling empty once again.

The silence of Scranton brought comfort to Ryan. In New York, life was always forging ahead, but here, he felt like he could finally just stand still. "I have to go, Kel," he whispered back. "I put off my work all weekend and if I don't finish that report, I will have to spend the next two weeks in Utica as punishment."

Kelly pushed out her bottom lip in a sign of faux defiance. "Fine, leave me for your work. It's always the same old routine with you."

Ryan laughed before digging his fingers in her sides to tickle her. "You're going to use that line until the end of time, aren't you?"

"It never fails," she replied, her own giggle falling into sync with his. She liked how happy he sounded and the fact that she could elicit such a reaction. No one else ever made Ryan laugh like that, and that mere fact made her special. "You probably should get going. I want you to promise me that you will drive carefully and call me the second you get home."

He nodded dutifully before kissing his girlfriend one last time. Neither said another word as Kelly headed back for her apartment. Ryan watched her to make sure she got safely until she reappeared on her balcony. With a small wave, he disappeared into his car, allowing her to make sure that he got on the road okay. They had established this routine weeks ago in an unspoken attempt to ensure each other's safety. To anyone else, it could seem silly, but for them, it was normal. As Ryan's round taillights faded around the corner, Kelly tried to push away the sadness and collapsed on her couch.

An hour later, she was engrossed in the latest episode of _America's Next Top Model_ when her phone rang. She didn't bother to glance at the screen as she pressed the receiver to her ear. "You'll never believe what the photo shoot is this week," she told Ryan automatically. As was often the case, he called her at the halfway mark just to tell her that he already missed her. He liked to spend the rest of the drive home listening to her. It brought him comfort in the darkness of night.

For the next half-hour, until he was starting to get into thicker city traffic, Kelly rambled on about the reality show that he had long despised but secretly learned to love. Even after they had broken up, Ryan would catch himself watching marathons on the random Saturday afternoon. He had seen every season – or cycle, as Kelly liked to remind him. He still didn't like the show all that much but loved it because it was hers. It was kind of like her surprising tolerance for Halo.

"I'll call you back," he vowed before ending the call. Kelly sadly sat the phone back on the couch beside her and tried to focus on the judges' panel. Even Tyra's underhanded criticism couldn't bring her joy. She felt like something was off. In fact, something had been off for a few days. Just as Tyra was about to hand over the final photo, Kelly felt the acidic burn of bile rising to her throat. Jumping off the couch, she made it to bathroom just in time to empty the contents of her stomach.

After collapsing on the cool tile floor in exhaustion, Kelly groaned inwardly at how much her body ached. She had felt tired all week, but she had figured it was all the late night phone sessions with Ryan. Now, she realized that it was likely that she had the flu. Trying to gather herself, she crawled back into the living room to retrieve her purse. Pulling out her fuchsia leather planner, Kelly flipped to the month's calendar to figure out when she could go to the doctor.

Kelly poured over her weekly checklist for work and compared it to the calendar. With Michael's latest plan to bring back Movie Mondays, she had to fit everything into four days. If she moved around a meeting with Toby and rescheduled a service call to a law office downtown, she could probably go first thing Tuesday morning. Then, checking the list against the calendar one last time, she realized that there had been something missing.

Denoted by a red flower, she studied the date in disbelief. She counted backward and shook her head. _That can't be right_, she thought to herself as she counted again. After a third count, it became evident: Kelly was late. As the realization washed over her, she placed her hands on top of her flat stomach. _Ryan is going to be the father of my child_.

Suddenly, everything came back to her all at once. They had been so careful to use protection every single time. She was even taking her pills out of fear of this very situation. She knew that things were far too delicate for her to accidentally end up pregnant. However, looking back, she wasn't sure how she could have missed the signs. The fits of nausea, the overwhelming exhaustion and the intolerance for certain foods and smells made it all so apparent.

With the realization, Kelly began to feel the fear. She knew that the chances of anyone in her life taking the news well were not good. Her parents would be disappointed, Michael and her co-workers would be awkward and Ryan would be furious. It was likely that more than one person would say it was on purpose, her boyfriend being one of them. Along with the physical changes her body was about to undergo, her entire life was being turned upside down.

She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't even hear the phone ringing. Just as the answer machine was about to click on, Kelly retrieved the cordless from the couch. "Hello?" she said breathlessly.

"Hey, it's me," Ryan told her. "I just wanted to let you know that I got home okay. You sound upset, Kel. What's wrong?"

Kelly covered her face, forcing herself to calm down. "Nothing," she lied, willing herself to believe it. She knew that everything was about to change, but for tonight, she wanted to pretend that everything was still the same. Even if he never spoke to her again, she needed a few more hours of knowing without a doubt that she was in love with him just as much as he was in love with her.


	12. Chapter 12

Ryan pulled the collar of his black wool coat up around his throat as the bitter wind whipped around him. Reaching for Kelly's pink gloved hand, he pulled her toward the bustling chain restaurant in search of their two friends. Traffic from New York had been hell as the first winter storm of the season made its way through the Northeast. Kelly had tried to convince him to stay back in the city, not wanting him to risk the weather. However, as he neared Scranton, the storm had seemed to clear up. Still, frigid temperatures indicated that a second wave would likely hit overnight.

As the couple slipped inside the busy waiting area, Ryan's eyes found Pam and Jim tucked into a cozy corner booth. Out of all the restaurants in town, they often found themselves in Chili's. It wasn't his favorite place in the world, but it had long been a favorite of the Dunder Mifflin staff. They mostly seemed to go there out of habit now. No one was particularly in a hurry to find a new hangout. There was a lot to be said about the comfort of the familiar.

"Hey," Jim greeted them as Ryan slid into the booth next to Kelly. The lanky salesman smiled his trademark grin, always looking as though he was hamming for the cameras. Sitting next to him, Pam looked pretty and pleasant. When Ryan first saw the receptionist, he had wanted to pursue her. Over time, however, he realized that she would have never been right for him. She had always been so accepting; Ryan needed the challenge he found in Kelly.

"We already ordered the appetizers and drinks," Pam announced. "Ryan, I got you whatever beer they had on tap. I think it was something domestic. Kel, I ordered you a seven and seven with cherries and a sugared rim – just like you like it."

Kelly shifted awkwardly next to him, looking down at her hands in her laps. "I'm not going to drink tonight," she replied. "Thanks for ordering for me though."

"What's wrong with you?" Jim joked. "You are usually the first one to call for shots."

Ryan watched as his girlfriend pretended to giggle. To the casual observer, she looked like a girl having fun. To the people who really knew her, it was clear that her happiness was fictitious. "My throat's a little sore," she lied. "I am going to take some cold medicine later. It's probably not a good idea to mix the two."

"You didn't mention that," Ryan retorted, his voice soft but worried. "We could have stayed home if you weren't feeling well."

She shrugged in response. "I'm sure I will be fine," she promised. "It's sweet of you to worry. Let's juts try to have a good night."

Pam and Jim exchanged a skeptical look, which did not go unnoticed by Ryan or Kelly. Laying his arm around her shoulders protectively, Ryan huddled closer to his girlfriend. A part of him always felt like he was competing to prove that he was a better boyfriend when he was around Jim. Without him ever saying anything, Kelly was constantly reassuring him how much she preferred him over Jim. Every time he saw her beautiful eyes shining at him, he knew that it was true. He wasn't sure how he had gotten so lucky because he certainly didn't deserve the love of someone as devoted as Kelly Kapoor.

After the appetizers came and a few beers had found their way down Ryan's throat, the conversation had become much more relaxed at the table. Even Kelly, sipping on a steady stream of ginger ales, seemed to be having a better time. "Every time I see Jan, I still can't believe she is with Michael," Kelly confessed, wrinkling her nose. "I mean, she is an attractive woman. After she had her, uh, surgery, I figured that she would realize she was too good for him."

"I think she fell in love with Michael for his sparkling personality," Ryan quipped. "No one is as generous with compliments as he is. When he finds you attractive, he makes it known. Trust me, I'm an expert there."

"Well, you have to at least admit that he's creative," Jim pointed out. "That commercial he did actually turn out pretty well. Of course, those corporate suits made us go with that lame boxed ad that the rest of branches were using."

Kelly laughed lightly. "Ryan is one of those suits that helped develop the premise for the commercial. I think he is the one who came up with the waving at the end.

"Even I hated it," he admitted with a chuckle. "You will not believe how many hours we wasted talking about that stupid ad. They had everyone in there. It was ridiculous."

"You're talking to people who still have to regularly endure Michael's conference room meetings," Pam pointed out. "I think the one earlier this week on proper break room etiquette was one of the best ones yet. Just because we won't let him join our club, he has decided that he needs to talk about how oppression can be translated to the common lunchroom."

"Well, if you weren't such a snob!" Kelly and Jim cried in unison. Both of them had jokingly blamed Oscar, Toby and Pam for the painstaking meeting on Monday. Michael had spent more than an hour explaining how leaving someone out could have last effects on their life. His examples had stemmed mostly from teen movies and an obscure "friend" named Mitchell.

Just as Pam was about to make her comeback, the waitress appeared with the tray of meals. Each week, they had the same waitress and ordered the same food. Pam ordered a grilled chicken salad while Kelly favored the spinach soft tacos. Ryan usually ordered some kind of steak and Jim liked one of the burgers. This Friday, however, Jim had a craving for seafood and ordered a tuna steak sandwich. The sandwich only smelled slightly like fish but seemed to affect Kelly instantly.

"Oh, my," she gasped breathily, covering her mouth with her hand. "I must be sicker than I thought she was. Ryan, let me out."

"Are you okay?"

"Just let me out!" she insistently urgently before climbing across his lap and running toward the bathroom. Her pink heels clicked across the faux wooden floor as she disappeared around the corner.

"The flu has been going around the office," Pam explained before setting her fork on her plate. Reaching across the table, she grabbed Kelly's purse and waited for Jim to let her out of the booth. "I'll just go check on her. I'm sure she'll want to freshen up after she gathers herself."

Ryan nodded appreciatively as Pam went to look in on Kelly. They were only gone for a few minutes, but when she reappeared, it was clear that his girlfriend wasn't feeling any better. Her usually glowing skin was ashen and a definite shade of green. "Do you want me to take you home? I could just have them wrap up our food."

Kelly shook her head and smiled confidently. She was determined to have a normal Friday night. "I had to drop by Michael's condo a few weeks ago to drop off the Girl Scout cookies he ordered from my sister. It was so strange to see the two of them at home, completely domesticated. They were actually repainting his cabinets in the kitchen."

"They were together for awhile before they moved in together. I guess it was one of those things that was eventual. After she lost her job, they didn't really have a choice," Jim remarked. "They haven't been dating as long as the two of you. I guess someday even the two of you will settle down together."

"Yeah, eventually," Ryan agreed, indicating that the prospect was in the distant future. "For now, we're perfectly happy seeing each other on the weekends. I miss Kel, but I can't just drop my job in New York."

"Have you ever thought about moving her to New York?" Jim asked in return.

Pam elbowed her boyfriend sharply in the ribs. "Jim!"

Kelly noticed Ryan falter for a moment before painting on his best cool and collected smile. "We're happy with the way things are for now. We'll deal with the future when it comes."

Jim laughed heartily, earning an angry look from Pam and a pained glance from Kelly. "Man, you are still the same scared guy you always were," Jim deadpanned. "Even with your "adult" stubble and fancy suits, Kelly still scares the hell out of you. Everyone else tried to talk about how you changed, but I knew the truth. Anything about the future is just too much for you to handle."

Ryan couldn't believe the audacity of his so-called friend. "I love Kelly, and she loves me. I don't feel the need to rush anything," he said pointedly. "If I want things to work with her, I know that we need to take our time and work on it. Of all people, I would think you would understand the value of taking things slow. It's not as if you admitted you loved Pam quickly."

"Maybe so," Jim agreed. "However, my hesitation was because she seemed to be happily in love with someone else. Kelly was happily in love with you the entire time."

"Jim, that's enough," Pam ordered. "If Kelly is happy, it's really none of our business."

"I just don't want to have to see her go through having her heart break again."

"Who asked you to?" Kelly snapped finally. "I don't remember asking for your commentary on my relationship with Ryan. We all know that he is scared about the future. Thank you for bringing that up again. If I had any doubts on where our relationship was headed, your little display helped clarify it for me."

Pam looked across the table at Kelly, noticing for the first time just how much something was off with her. She was usually so chatty, but she had barely said anything over the course of the night. And now, listening to Jim and Ryan bicker, she seemed overly angry for her. Her emotions just didn't coincide with the woman she knew her to be.

"You tell him," Ryan prodded, wrapping his arm around Kelly protectively.

"Oh, I don't know what you're so happy about," she hissed. "Jim was right about everything he said. We can all sit here and pretend that it as a joke, but let's get real. He hit the nail exactly on the head when it comes to you. Just because it's none of his damn business doesn't mean that he wasn't right."

Even though it was a minor word, Ryan knew that she rarely cursed. "Kel, are you sure you're okay?"

"You know what, I'm not okay," she declared loudly. "I could sit here and pretend that everything was fine, but what's the point? The result is going to be the same. I'm still going to go home and cry myself to sleep because my boyfriend is never going to love me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me. I'm lucky to get him to commit to an entire weekend. I thought that this would be enough for me, to get to have you in my arms and hear that you love me, but it's not. I want more than this, Ryan. I deserve it for once. For once, I want someone to call you on your fear and you reply with confidence that you do love me. I want you to stick up for our relationship. Instead, you just pretend that we're happy with things the way they are. How could I be happy with this?"

"I thought you understood. I thought you were happy."

"I understand that this is what you want, but what about what I want? How could I be happy with this? It's not everything. I want everything."

"Maybe we should go," Jim suggested, climbing uncomfortably from the booth. Offering his hand to Pam, he helped her from her seat before dropping a few bills on the table to cover the tab. "I didn't mean to start anything."

Ryan's eyes were still glued on Kelly as he replied. "You didn't. It started long before you."

Pam felt guilty abandoning her friend. She knew that it wasn't their place to be present for the conversation, but she couldn't help but feel like Kelly needed her. "Are you okay with him?" she whispered across the table.

"I want to get out of here," she told her friend. "Can you take me home?"

"What about me?" Ryan asked, shocked that she was abandoning him.

Kelly looked at him pointedly. "What about you?"

Jim glanced at his girlfriend awkwardly. "Why doesn't Kelly take Pam back to her place in her car? You can give me a ride back to my apartment and crash with me. I think you both need the night to cool off. Things will seem different in the morning."

"We need to talk about this now," Ryan told Kelly.

She shook her head defiantly. "I need time, Ryan. I'll call you in the morning. I just need to figure out a few things in my head. Please." Taking a deep breath, he conceded with a nod. Leaving a generous tip for the waitress, he followed the silent trio out to the parking lot. Jim and Pam left them alone to say a private goodbye near Pam's car. Kelly stood silently, watching their friends from a distance. "Things are so easy for them. I wish it was like that for us, but I don't think it ever will be. It never was."


	13. Chapter 13

Ryan stood alone in the parking lot with Kelly, watching as she got lost in a moment so deep that not even he could reach her. Instinctively, he reached for her hand and pulled her tiny frame next to him. Whatever was going on inside her head was far greater than anything they had ever gone through before. He knew that whatever it was, it likely had the potential to send their safe little world tumbling to the ground all over again. "Don't let Pam take you home," he implored softly, resting his hands on her hips. He traced his fingers up the curve of her torso and back down again. "I didn't come all this way to hang out with Jim. I hate fighting with you."

She trembled under his touch, and he wasn't sure if it was from desire or fear. When she didn't move from his embrace, he took it as a good sign and wrapped her even further into him. "I don't like fighting with you either," she admitted in a hushed whisper. Her eyes had left their friends and now rested on the ground in front of them. She huddled closer to him in a vain attempt to get warmer. "I just thought I knew where this was heading, but after tonight, I'm still not sure. Every time anyone brings up the future, you freak out. I don't want to build my life around someone who could leave me again."

A wave of anger washed over Ryan. He thought he had convinced her, but she still didn't believe him. The future had scared him for a long time, and in a way, it still did. "Kel, no matter how big the fear is, it could never compare to how much I've come to love you," he promised. "I know it's not always been that way, and that's why it is so hard for you to believe me. I wish there was something I could to do to prove it, but I can't. You just have to take my word for it. I guess I thought you finally believed me."

"It's hard to believe someone who is happy just to see me on the weekend," she pointed out. "Do you know how hard it is for me to say goodbye to you? I spend my entire week counting the minutes until I'm with you again. I've always hated the office, but it's an even lonelier place without you. It's like my apartment in that way. It's hard to be anywhere else but with you. The rest of the time, my heart is a million miles away."

He stood silent for a moment, his arm still firmly woven around her waist. It had crept its way underneath her coat, dying for the warmth of her body. "Don't you think my heart breaks every time one of us has to leave? I hate not having you with me all the time, but I don't see any other way. It'd be selfish of me to ask you to give up everything for me, and as much as I love you, I can't go back to Scranton."

"You know that I would have never asked you to come here," Kelly reminded him. "Did it ever occur to you that I want to give up this so-called life here in Scranton? Other than Jim and Pam, what do I really have here? Maybe I wanted you to ask. You've always been the selfish one. Just this once, couldn't have that selfishness been about wanting me?" 

Ryan didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't argue with her because she was right. Still, there was an urgency in her voice that he didn't quite recognize. There was definitely something she was keeping from him. "What aren't you telling me?"

She shrugged in response, dropping her hands helplessly to the side. "I don't know," she sobbed, sudden tears wracking her tiny frame. "This isn't how this was supposed to happen. I really thought that everything would be different."

Now, he was getting worried. Kelly hated to cry in front of him even more than she hated to curse. "Kel," he murmured worriedly. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, trying desperately to be the source of comfort that she needed. Her body quivered against his, shaking from the icy wind and the overwhelming sadness that surrounded her. "I love you so much, but I'm still a wreck. I don't know how to make this better, but I will do whatever I have to do. Just don't cry, please."

Just then, Jim decided to reappear and break up the moment. "Pam's ready to go whenever you are, Kel," he announced softly before slipping toward Ryan's car.

Kelly shook her head against Ryan's chest, holding onto him for just a moment longer. Then, standing on her toes, she pressed a soft kiss against his cheek. "We'll figure this out," she vowed. "I just need some time. I'll call you in the morning." Brushing a strand of hair from her hooded eyes, he nodded in understanding. "And Ry?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you, too."

Ryan watched helplessly as she jogged back toward Pam's car, crossing her arms over her stomach as she dropped into the front seat and out of his sight. He could hear the familiar hum of the engine as it warmed up. Feeling somewhat defeated, he headed back to his car. His friend was playing with the radio when he got in. "I'm sorry about what I said back there," Jim apologized. "I was just trying to protect Kelly, but it's not my place. If the two of you are happy, I shouldn't try to mess that up. I just don't want to see her hurt.'

"Trust me, the last thing I want to do is hurt her," Ryan promised. "I'm trying to get over the man I was for a long time, but it's hard to just move on like that. As much as I love her, I'm that afraid of her. It's a scary thing to finally have everything you have ever wanted. This is my one chance at redemption. If I mess this up, I know that she will never come back. I don't want to rush it because this time matters. I can't lose Kelly."

"I understand," Jim retorted, and Ryan believed that he did. Jim had spent the past few years pining away silently for Pam, the woman he loved more than anything in the world. Now that he finally had her, it was bound to change things. The love of the right woman had the power to completely change a man. Ryan should know that better than anyone. Looking over his shoulder to where Jim was staring, he watched Pam's taillights illuminate as she backed out of her parking spot. "There go our girls."

Silence filled the car over the next few seconds as they watched the events unfold in front of them in shock. As Pam pulled cautiously toward the exit, a sleek red sports car came barreling around the corner. Smashing into the passenger side of the car, they watched helplessly as the small hybrid started to spin. "Oh, my God," Ryan gasped, his breath leaving his body immediately. He fumbled with the locks anxiously, trying desperately to escape from the car. Sprinting across the parking lot, he could hear Jim's heavy footsteps right behind him.

People huddled around the car, talking in varying tones as they watched on in pure horror. By the time they reached the car, Pam had managed to crawl out. Clearly in a daze, she collapsed against Jim's body when he reached her. Ryan peered through the window of the passenger side to find Kelly crumpled over the dashboard. Fighting with door handle, he finally managed to pull it open just as she was starting to come through. She immediately doubled over and clutched her stomach.

"Kel, baby, can you hear me?" Ryan asked hurriedly, reaching out to wrap his arm around her back and pull her from the car. She winced in pain as soon as he touched her. Backing up, he listened to Pam's plea to give her some space. Someone yelled that an ambulance was on the way.

Ryan turned and looked at the intoxicated driver of the red sports car. "What did you do?" he spat hatefully. "She better be okay. I swear, if anything happens to her…"

The piercing scream of sirens announced the arrival of the ambulance. Ryan followed the paramedics' order and watched from the perimeter. Pam was being looked at by a spare EMT while a team attended to Kelly. Her eyes were closed but every once in awhile, he could hear her gasp in pain. All color had drained from her face as she remained hunched over, her dark hair falling over her face.

"We're going to have to take her over to County," one of the paramedics told Ryan. "She can have a passenger if you would like to come over with us."

Ryan nodded eagerly before taking his place next to Kelly. "I'm here. Everything is going to be okay. You just have to hold on a little bit longer and they'll be at the hospital.'

"There's something I have to tell you," she managed through the pain.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait," he retorted. "You need to conserve your energy."

The paramedics started to lift her into the ambulance. They asked a string of questions about allergies and illnesses, things Ryan didn't know too much about. Kelly filled in the blanks every so often, trying her best to focus on the one condition no one else knew about. When they were about to give her a shot to help with the pain, she finally gathered herself enough to scream. "You might hurt the baby!" she cried.

"You're pregnant? Why didn't you tell us?" the paramedic asked Ryan sharply.

He was too stunned to say anything. Instead, he just reached for her hand and held it tightly. Ryan started to get lost inside his head, drifting away from the startling reality of the situation. He just clutched her hand as adrenaline carried them both through the motions. It hadn't sunk in yet, and until he knew that they were both going to be fine, he wouldn't let it.

Kelly was still lying on her back, her stomach holding her stomach. At every bump the ambulance hit, her wide eyes winced in pain, but she tried to hold her composure. Ryan could tell she was scared, not sure what was going on or how to handle it. "Kel, we're almost there. It's going to be okay," he reassured her as soothingly as he could manage. She bit her bottom lip as their eyes met and the paramedics rattled off a list of medical stats. "Just a few more minutes and we'll be at the hospital. Just try to hang in there."

"Talk to me, Ryan," she pleaded. "I'm really scared. Tell me about the last time you were truly happy."

He wanted to tell her that it was the morning after they slept together in New York, just before everything got difficult again, but he knew it would do little to ease her stress. Instead, he settled on a safe memory. "Well, it's not the last time, but it's a moment I remember. When I was a kid, we used to go to the Jersey shore on vacation. I used to go sit out in the sand after a long day of surfing and swimming, just watching the sun as it faded away. The sky would turn the most brilliant shades of indigo and pink; it was absolutely breathtaking."

Just as he was finishing his story, the ambulance arrived outside the hospital. Kelly was rushed out of the vehicle and toward the emergency room. A doctor ordered him to wait outside, leaving Ryan alone with only his thoughts to comfort him. He could feel the anger boiling beneath the surface but worry stifled it for the moment. There would be time to be angry later. For now, he just needed to pray that everything was going to be okay.

_No wonder she is so worried about the future_, he thought. _She should have told me. I've thought about this happening so many times, mostly when she would 'forget' to take her birth control pills. God, what have we gotten ourselves into?_

_I am just as much a part of this as she is_, he admitted to himself. _I am the one that pushed her away all those times. Of course she wouldn't want to tell me! I always get scared and make up some line about wanting to take things slowly. All this time, I was just protecting myself._

_But she lied to me, even when I knew something was wrong_, he realized. _I should have fought harder. I didn't want to let it go, and I certainly didn't want my fear to be the end of this. I always thought I was doing this because it's what she wanted. I thought I should respect that I was too scared to get her everything she wanted. I should have pushed myself harder. Now, I could lose her and my child at the same time. I could lose my family._

_Author's Note: Sorry about the lack of updates. A squirrel literally ate through my cable lines, so I was without Internet access for the past week. Enjoy these three chapters and thanks for reading._


	14. Chapter 14

Fifteen minutes after Kelly had been taken into the emergency room, Pam and Jim came bounding into the room. They had stayed behind to take care of the formalities but managed to make it to the hospital as quickly as possible. Coming through the automatic doors, they spotted Ryan sitting alone in a standard plastic chair, bent over in deep thought. Pam leapt forward, rushing across the busy room to meet her friend.

He flinched at her touch before allowing her to slip her smaller hand into his. "How is she doing?" she asked cautiously, sitting down in the empty seat next to him. Jim quietly made his way over and took the other vacant chair to Ryan's left.

"She's in a lot of pain," Ryan replied, slowly sitting up. Carefully, he arranged himself into the chair while he watched the door anxiously. A nurse came out looking for someone but quickly headed toward an elderly man. Ryan leaned back, disappointed that he hadn't heard yet. "They won't tell me much. I just want to go in and see her."

Pam nodded thoughtfully. "The only thing you can do right now is wait," she told him. "I'm sorry that I wasn't more careful. I didn't see that car coming toward us. If I had, I'm not really sure what I could have done."

"There's nothing you could have done," he assured her. "Don't blame yourself, that's not what Kelly would want."

"We didn't know that she was going to have a baby," Jim said suddenly, shocking everyone. "In case you were wondering, I wanted you to know that. I don't think Kelly had told anyone yet."

Ryan shrugged and looked at his feet. "That doesn't matter right now. I don't want to think about it," he responded. "I just need to focus on making sure that they're both okay. She and I will just have to deal with the rest later."

A nurse behind a glass window stood up and leaned her head out. "Ryan Howard?" she called, looking around the room. Ryan jumped up and jogged over to where she was. "Come on back, Mr. Howard. Kelly would like to see you now."

Looking over his shoulder at his friends, he nodded toward the ER before heading into the door. Ryan was thankful that she wanted him there because he couldn't imagine letting her go through this alone. Following the nurse down the sterile hallway, he was led into one of the few private rooms. "A doctor will be in a few minutes to take an ultrasound," the nurse informed them. "Have you been tested?"

"Two days ago. Dr. Glaser is my obstetrician," Kelly informed the nurse. She looked so fragile in the bed as she writhed with another wave of momentary pain. Ryan could see the tubes pumping liquid into her petite body. He would have given anything in that moment to trade places with her, to take every bit of fear away from her beautiful face. He knew that he should be angry or disappointed with her, but as he looked at her, he couldn't imagine ever feeling that way. As the older woman scrawled notes on Kelly's chart, Ryan pushed over a chair next to her bed. When they were left alone, Kelly turned slightly to look at him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"I know, you've already told me that," he reminded her. "Like I said, we will talk about that later. Right now, we just need to focus on our baby."

"I didn't do this on purpose," she uttered tearfully. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. At first, I just wanted the baby to go away. I was so afraid that you were going to be angry at me and leave again. But when I started thinking about how this may be the only chance I ever get to have a piece of you, I knew I couldn't lose this child. I love our baby, and now, I could lose it."

Ryan knew that he had to be strong for her. His fear didn't even begin to match that which consumed her. "Look at me," he demanded firmly. Her wavering eyes met his. "We are not going to lose this baby. We will figure this all out, I promise."

A young doctor knocked lightly on the door before coming into the examination room. "Hello, Ms. Kapoor, I am Dr. Heller," he announced. "Let's just do a little test to see what we have going on. Would you like him to step out for a moment?"

Kelly shook her head insistently. "No, I want him here."

"That's fine," the doctor agreed. "Now, I just need you to lay back and relax. Sir, why don't you stay there and hold her hand? It might help calm her nerves a little bit."

Ryan nodded obediently and reached for her hands. Holding Kelly's delicate fingers in his, he started to talk about the celebrity news he had heard while sitting in the waiting room. The light conversation seemed to mostly distract her from the pain as the doctor went through the motions of examining her. After a few minutes, Dr. Heller interrupted them to ask a series of questions. Pressing on different parts of her body, he asked if she felt pain. Eliciting a negative response each time, he smiled gratefully before making notations in her file. "Well, I think that everything looks pretty good here. I'd like to do an ultrasound to make sure, but I have a feeling that's going to be fine as well."

"Thank goodness," Kelly breathed, letting a deep gust of air escape from her chest. Her boyfriend rubbed her knuckles affectionately and smiled at her, pushing a dark wisp of hair from her forehead. She grinned before looking at the doctor. "What do you think brought this on?"

"Well, the accident was likely just a final straw for you," Dr. Heller explained. "I think that your cramps were probably caused by stress. Kelly, this is your body's way of telling you that you need to slow down and take time to relax. I am sure that this is a very trying time for you, but whatever is causing this, you need to figure out a better way to deal with it."

"I will," she nodded dutifully, glancing up at Ryan. He was stoic as he focused on her. She knew that it was only a matter of time before they had to talk about it, but for now, he seemed set on ensuring her health and that of the baby.

"Good," the doctor remarked before he swabbed gel over Kelly's abdomen. "Now, I'm going to roll this across your stomach. It's going to be a little cold."

"You heard what he said, didn't you?" Ryan asked Kelly. "Stress is not good for the baby." She nodded in response, her hand once again clutching his tightly. "Oh, wow." Kelly's eyes darted back to the screen where a tiny motion showed the couple the first image of their baby. There, in black and white, was their child. Its heartbeat chugged rapidly, reminding Ryan of a film strip about baby birds from elementary school.

"Just as I thought, everything looks good here," Dr. Heller retorted. Holding the controls in his fist, he quickly snapped a series of photos and sent them to the printer. "I know that you are seeing Dr. Glaser, but I am going to go ahead and prescribe you some prenatal vitamins. I recommend that you take it easy. And congratulations to you both on your child!"

"Thanks," Ryan mumbled, folding the prescription in half and shoving it in his pocket. Kelly slowly sat up and readjusted her clothing. Once everything was in order, she leaned weakly against his body as they made their way back to the waiting room. Occupying a pair of plastic chairs, Pam and Jim rushed forward to meet them when they finally came back through the heavy metal door."

"Is everything okay?" Pam asked instantly, a step ahead of Jim.

He started to say something, but Kelly grabbed his wrist. "Everything is fine. I just have to take it easy," she answered. "Look, I know that everyone has a lot of questions, and I promise that I will answer them in time. But right now, I just want to go home and sleep. I can't handle much else today."

Jim looked at Ryan, his gaze full of worry. "I'll take Kelly home," Ryan told him. He nodded helplessly as held out Kelly's purse for him to take.

Looking over her shoulder, Kelly said, "I'm sorry, Pam. I'll call you tomorrow to explain everything."

Once they were inside the car, Kelly reclined in the passenger seat while Ryan headed toward her apartment. It felt like everything was coming full circle in some very sick, twisted way. "Ry, is there anything you want ask?" she said from beside him.

He turned and gave her a haunted smile. "I will do anything for you, you know that. Now's not the time to talk about this."

"You should be furious at me, Ryan."

"I am, Kel," he responded truthfully. "But as angry as I am, loving you is more important right now. You're the woman who is carrying my child."

"I have to tell my parents still," she mused sadly. "They're going to be angry."

"You're not alone. Kel, you are going to be this baby's mother, and as weird as it still seems, I am going to be a father. It might not be easy for your family to accept, but it isn't about them. This is about what is best for our kid and its family."

"You don't have to support me like this."

Ryan shook his head. "Like you even have to ask," he declared as he pulled into a vacant parking spot. "Despite what your parents, and apparently you, think of me, I'm not the type to walk away from my responsibilities. I have no clue what we are going to do or even how I feel about this, but I can promise you one thing. I'm not going anywhere."

She looked up at him expectantly. Ryan had grown up a lot in the time that he was gone, and although some of the childlike aspects of his persona remained, he had a maturity that surpassed all her expectations. Moving closer to him in the seat, she reached for his hand. "So, let's talk about this now. I mean, if you're ready to."

He nodded hesitantly. "Tell me everything."

"I figured out that I was late two weeks ago. I waited a few days, hoping that I was wrong but known that I wasn't," she began. "Finally, I decided to take one of those home tests. I had to go to the pharmacy alone. It's the scariest thing I've ever done. I had no idea there were so many types. I ran into Michael there and had to pretend that I was buying hairspray. He insisted on telling me that he was getting condoms so that he could go home and have sex with Jan."

Ryan's body shook involuntarily with disgust as the thought of anyone getting carnal with his former boss. "Go on," he pressed.

"Anyhow, the test came out positive. I had Dr. Glaser confirm it two days ago."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was scared. Like I told you, I didn't know if I wanted to keep it at first. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, and until I knew what I wanted, I didn't want to burden you with my problem."

"Our problem," Ryan corrected her. "This is our problem. And it's not a problem unless you want it to be, Kel. I'm prepared to do the right thing."

"And what's that, Ryan? Be a part time father while you're in New York? It's not that simple. That's why I didn't tell you right away. I knew you'd just want to fix this, but I don't think it's that easy."

He exhaled loudly. "I didn't say it was easy. I will help you raise our child. I want to be in this baby's life, even if I did just find out about it."

"Do you think I did this on purpose?"

Ryan wished he could say absolutely not, but she did have sort of a track record. He had caught her not taking her pills more than once in the past, and there was that whole fake pregnancy instance. "It doesn't matter how it happened, only that it did."


	15. Chapter 15

They had been quiet for fifteen minutes now, the weight of Ryan's last statement still sinking in. Uncomfortable silence filled the car as Kelly watched her boyfriend physically retreat inside of himself. He pulled his hand away and looked out the window, his eyes becoming foggy and distant. She was so angry at the situation, mostly herself.

"That's not good enough, Ryan."

"Well, since you've basically been lying to be by omission for the past two weeks, I don't think that you really get to dictate how I feel right now," he shot back. The anger was starting to come in droves. "You've had time to think about how you feel, to adjust to this pregnancy. I'm starting to wonder if I only found out because of the accident. When exactly did you plan on telling me?"

"When I was sure wouldn't leave me," she confessed weakly. "I know it's selfish, but I couldn't comprehend what it would feel like to lose you all over again. Just the thought of doing this without you was hard enough. Knowing that I did something to cause it just became too hard. I didn't get pregnant on purpose, but I knew you. I knew that you would find a way to blame this on me."

Ryan raked his fingers through his hair before resting his forehead against the cool glass window. "We didn't plan this," he stated evenly, pointing to her stomach.

"You can't play everything in life, Ryan," she retorted pointedly. "This child isn't like your career. There aren't these guidelines you can follow to make sure that everything goes according to plan. Sometimes, the biggest blessings come from the hardest or most unexpected things. Whether you like it or not, this is our baby."

"Are you prepared to lose everything?" he asked. "Because you know if we go through with this, there is no going back. Our lives are going to change. One of us is going to have to give up an awful lot. You are losing your freedom forever, and I'm not sure how your family is even going to react."

"I lost my freedom a long time ago when I fell in love with you. The minute I chose you, you became my entire world. It might be naïve, but it's how I felt," Kelly confessed tearfully. "I am happy with you, Ryan. You've always been what I wanted. As for my family, if they can't forgive me for this, then I'm better off without them. I have loved you for a long time, and I didn't do anything wrong when I chose to be with you. I think the real question is if you are ready to lose everything."

I have loved you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything, even my career," he revealed. "For the longest time, I would have done anything to get to where I dreamt about, but that part of me died when I knew I had to start putting you first. I knew that I couldn't keep pushing you away, and it didn't make me angry like it used to. It was a relief to know that I was finally off the hook. Kel, I could have never gotten back together with you if my heart wasn't all there."

"So, we're going to do this?" she asked anxiously.

"We're going to do this," he replied, feeling confident for the first time. He wasn't sure how it was going to work, but he was determined that it would. He would use the same tenacity and drive that had gotten him through business school and to his job in New York. "I guess there's only one more question left then."

"What's that?"

"Kelly Kapoor, will you marry me?"

Kelly looked over at him. She had thought about this moment millions of times, and none of those times included an unplanned pregnancy, a trip to the emergency room or Ryan asking from the driver's side of his car. As much as she wanted to say yes, it just wasn't right. "Uh, no."

It was Ryan's turn to look at her, not exactly sure what to say next. He hadn't expected that at all. She just rolled her eyes at him and pushed her way out of the car. Standing outside, she rested her fist on her hip and stared back at him incredulously. "I can't believe you would as me that, Ryan. Are you insane? We can't get married. You're not even ready."

_Okay, not exactly the truth, but now isn't really the time for that_, he decided. "Kel, I was raised to do the right thing, to take responsibility for this kind of stuff. I just want to take care of you and our baby."

"I don't need you to take care of me, Ryan," she spat. "I have a full time job, and in case you hadn't realized, my family is rich. I have a trust fund. I have money in an account that was set up for me a long time ago."

"But I have a better job. You can move to New York. May be I can still get out of my lease and we could move to a more reasonable place," he pondered. "You won't have to work anymore unless you want to. You can decide later if you want to go back after the baby is born. I'll do what I can to make sure this works."

"Calm down," Kelly ordered, leaning carefully against the door of his car. He couldn't believe that she was the calm one in the situation. "There is no need for you to get rid of your lease. Your living expenses still leave you with plenty of extra income. I don't want you to change your entire life for me. I'll just save every penny and put it toward the baby. If he or she is anything like me, I don't think it will be cheap."

He laughed at her obvious joke. She had changed a lot, but she did still have a certain lifestyle and standard. "So, I guess a honeymoon in Paris is out of the question?"

"For now," she giggled.

"I just have one more question to ask."

"Oh, God," she sighed heavily.

"Not that," he muttered. "I'd like it if you came with me to tell my parents. I'm sure that they will be pretty supportive. They've always loved you."

"Only if you come with me to tell my parents," she bartered. "I have to tell my dad. I haven't really let myself think about him…"

"Funny, he was the second thing that came to my mind when you said you were pregnant."

"What was the first?"

"I was a little concerned about how you would look fat."

"Ryan Bailey Howard!"

"I'm just teasing," he reassured her. "My first thought was that I love you. Despite my constant fears and arguments to the contrary, I really do love you more than I've ever loved anyone in this world. You're the only thing I've ever really been sure about. When you were in the accident, I was really worried about how you were. I was so scared, Kel. I quickly realized how close I was to losing something that I didn't even know I had, something that I never knew I wanted."

"But you do want this?"

"Maybe more than I've ever wanted something in my life."

"Oh, Ryan!" she cried, throwing her arms around him excitedly. "You have no idea how scared I was to tell you all this. I didn't know how you would take it. I was afraid you would blame me or hate me. I really want this baby, and I'm not sure what I would have done if you didn't."

He smiled confidently. "You won't have to worry about that. Now, we should really get you inside. You could probably use some sleep or something."

"Will you stay with me tonight, Ryan?" she asked in a small voice as they navigated the staircase. He looked down at her. She seemed so tiny and innocent, a far cry from the Kelly he was used to. He couldn't believe that he was staring down at Kelly Kapoor and thinking of her as the mother of his child, the woman he was in love with.

"Of course I'll stay. I'm here as long as you'll have me around."

Kelly nodded silently as they came into her living room. She quietly walked over to the couch and sat down for a moment. Resting her hands on her stomach, she gazed up at him. "I'm holding you responsible, Ryan. You better take care of me and this baby or I will kick your ass." She thought for a moment and changed her mind. "Jim will kick your ass."

"You should have threatened Dwight. He's a lot scarier," Ryan laughed. "I promise I am going to take care of you. In fact, I am going to start right now by putting you to bed. It's been a long day, Mommy Dearest, and you need some sleep."

"Oh, great," she mumbled. "I'm going to be teased for the next eight months."

"It's only because I love you," he smile falsely. "But I can always leave…"

"Not on your life, buddy," she ordered. "I'm going to go in and change. I'll call you when I'm done."

Ryan sat alone for a few minutes until she yelled into the hallway that she was dressed. When he came into her room, she was looking at herself sideways in the mirror. "Hey."

"Hi," she greeted him.

"You look pretty."

"Oh, yeah, so glamorous in my sweats," she said sarcastically, gesturing to her pale pink sweatpants and matching fitted tee. "At least it's Juicy."

"Uh, right," he responded, not sure exactly what that meant. "Well, you always look beautiful to me." Their eyes locked for a moment before Kelly looked away. She mumbled in gratitude as she kicked off her socks and pulled back the blanket. Ryan watched her stretch, touching her toes for a moment, and then crawl into bed. Her dark hair framed her face as she settled it for a fitful sleep. He walked over and pulled the quilt up to her chin, brushing a stray tendril from her eyes before brushing a kiss over her forehead. "Sleep well."

"You're leaving?"

Ryan shook his head. "I know you wanted to sleep, so I'll just go out and watch some TV until I'm tired. I don't want to keep you up."

"Lay down with me."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Please, Ryan," she began before her phone started to ring. Kelly retrieved it from her nightstand and glanced at the screen. "It's my parents. They must know something is up because they would never call this late. What am I supposed to say to them? How do I explain this?"

"Let me talk to them. I'll tell them that we'll explain everything to them tomorrow."

Kelly shook her head. "We can tell them everything later, that's fine, but I should be the one to tell them that much."

"Do you want me stay here or go in the other room?"

She shrugged. "You can hear whatever I have to say," she said before dialing her parents back. "Hey, Daddy."

Kelly held out the phone so that they could both hear what was being said on the other end. "Kelly, the hospital called and said that there was an accident. Your mother was your emergency contact and they wanted to assure us that our daughter and grandchild were going to be okay."

"I'm fine, Daddy, just a little tired. I was actually getting ready to go to bed."

"I just need to know that you're not pregnant." The tone of his voice was clearly filled with disappointment and sadness. "I need to know if this is true. If it is, we will help you. You know that Ryan isn't good for you. Please tell me he is not the father."

Kelly covered her mouth, tears immediately springing to her eyes. She choked out a sob, dropping the phone from her weak grip. Ryan let the receiver rest on the blanket next to him as he pulled her into his body. Stroking her silky hair tenderly, he murmured reassurance that it would be okay before picking up the phone again. "Mr. Kapoor, it's Ryan. Kelly can't talk right now. I promise that we will explain everything when she's ready. She just can't do this right now."

"Ryan, just tell me that the baby isn't yours."

"I can't do that, sir."

"You're not good enough for her. You never will be."

"The baby is mine," he said before hanging up. Two seconds later, Kelly collapsed into a fit of tears in his arms, a bout that would last the majority of the next ten minutes before she finally fell asleep against his chest. Ryan held onto her tightly, vowing to protect her and their child against anything or anyone that would ever make them feel like this again.

Thought he knew somewhere that it wasn't her parents' intention to upset her, he was angry at them for doing this to Kelly. It was the first time he had ever put anyone's comfort ahead of his own. Those days were long over.

When she finally woke up an hour later, he was still holding her. Kelly looked up at him with sad eyes, all the questions apparent in her gaze. "Ryan, what did we do?" 

He didn't know what they had done, only what they had to do. "Nothing matters but this," he promised her, resting his hand on her flat stomach. "The life in there and the two of us, this is all that matters right now."

"We made a mistake," she remarked, the cold numbness piercing his heart.

He turned and stared at her angrily. "This," he muttered, patting her stomach again and then point at her and then himself, is not a mistake. Our child, us, this family is not a mistake."

"We're not a family."

"Yes, we are, Kelly. You are my family now."


	16. Chapter 16

"Ryan, are you sure we have to do this now?" Kelly asked Ryan a few days later. Nervously, she paced the length of the sidewalk leading up to her parents' house, twirling a strand of dark hair around her finger. Her family was waiting inside for their belated explanation. They had put it off for as long as they could, blaming the accident for as long as it remained plausible. Finally, he had decided last night that they would tell her parents today. After they knew everything, he wanted to tell his parents. Needless to say, they were both scared.

"Come on, Kel, we can do this," he prodded. "Even if they don't like what we have to say, they deserve to know. They already know you're pregnant, and eventually, the rest is going to have to come out. I just think it'd be better for you if we did this now."

Kelly paused and looked up at the front door, shifting from one leg to the other. "I tried to call my mother last night. She wouldn't even talk to me. My sister had to relay the message."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged sadly in response. "Do you think they will be able to forgive me?"

"We shouldn't have to ask for their forgiveness," he declared angrily. "We didn't do anything wrong, Kel. Their right to dictate your life ended years ago."

"It doesn't make it any easier," she remarked softly. "Think about how it from their point of view. I'm a constant reminder of the good daughter that they lost. They're disappointed in me."

"Yeah, your sister is gone, Kelly. That doesn't give them the right to make you pay for a tragedy for the rest of your life. You are allowed to be happy when good things happen. You are allowed to fall apart when things don't go your way."

She sighed heavily. "You're right, my head knows that, Ry," she tried to explain. "My heart still feels bad. This isn't what my parents wanted for me."

"What about what you want for yourself?" he asked, stepping to wrap his arms around her. She put her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest. "Let's just get this over with. The quicker it's all done, the quicker we can get out of there. If they can't forgive us, we'll just have to live with it. We can't go back, and I don't know that I would even if I could."

Kelly threaded her fingers through his and led him up the path. Her sisters had been dismissed for the morning, sent to spend the day with extended family. Her parents were quiet when they came into the living room, both of them sitting in their usual places. Her mother shifted uncomfortably in her chair, her eyes avoiding Kelly. Her father turned and glanced at them for a moment from the couch, his gaze falling on Ryan briefly. Anger flashed in his dark eyes, causing the young man to cringe with guilt.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor," Ryan greeted them politely, hoping to break the tension.

"It's Dr. Kapoor," Kelly's father corrected him. He frowned at his daughter. "Hello, Kelly."

She nodded at her father before sitting down in the empty armchair. As she looked at Ryan with pleading eyes, it was clear that she wanted him to take the lead. Perching on the arm of the chair, he took her hand and took a deep breath before starting in. "So, I guess you would like to know what happened."

"That'd be nice," her father barked as Kelly's mother patted his knee soothingly.

"When I went to New York, I was so happy to finally have a job I have always dreamed about," he tried to explain. "The thing was, I didn't know what I was leaving behind. I was confused and lost, completely unsure of where my life was going to take me next."

"And I was so lonely when he left," Kelly told them. "I didn't know what to do without Ryan. My heart was broken, and I was a mess."

Ryan smiled down at her affectionately, still in disbelief that she had ever found it in her heart to forgive him. He knew that he wouldn't have forgiven himself. "Before I left Scranton, I wasn't ready to face the truth. But when I was all alone with only the truth, I knew that I couldn't hide anymore. Kelly had always understood where I was in my life, even when I didn't."

"Look, Ryan and I got back together because we love each other. We thought we were being careful, but these things happen," Kelly explained. "The events leading up to now don't really matter. They are ours alone to deal with. The only thing you need to know is that I am going to do this."

"Apparently not careful enough," her father muttered under his breath.

"Apparently not," Kelly snapped back. "But it is what it is, and I'm pregnant, Daddy. Ryan is the father, and we're going to have this baby. He and I are going to be parents. We don't know what else is going to happen, only that we're not going to get married."

"What kind of relationship is that?" her mother asked quietly, her eyes still not meeting Kelly's.

Kelly looked to her boyfriend again. "We're still figuring everything out," Ryan answered. "I just know that I love your daughter, and that she and this child are going to be my family."

"How could you do this?" her father inquired, staring at her. "You were always such a good girl. I was so proud to have you as a daughter."

"I didn't mean to," she whimpered, tears welling her green eyes.

The sight of unshed tears angered Ryan. "Sir, with all due respect, you should still be proud of Kelly. She is an amazing woman."

"Don't _you_ tell _me_ how I should feel about my own child," he shot back. "You hurt her. It wasn't the other way around. She loved you openly and selflessly for two years. She didn't break your heart. Your broke hers."

Kelly jutted her chin defiantly and looked at her father. "We moved on," she stated evenly. "I didn't do this to you on purpose, and I'm so sorry that it is hurting you, Daddy. You mean the world to me, but you can't accept me for who I am. You weren't there for me after we broke up. You hadn't been there for me in quite some time. Ryan was there when I was drowning."

"What about me, Kelly?" her mother demanded angrily. "Have I been there?"

"Of course, Mother," she replied dutifully. "You made me into the woman that I am. After watching you with Daddy all these years, you taught me what a relationship should be."

"Your father and I are different."

"How are you different?"

"We have always loved each other."

"I love your daughter," Ryan spoke up.

"But you haven't always," her father chimed in. "You said you didn't want a future with her, and you ran off to New York to chase some job. Did you honestly expect me to be okay with this?"

Kelly didn't say anything as Ryan scanned the room. Her mother was still staring into her lap, but her body was clearly tense. Kelly looked uncomfortable to be put in the middle of such a horrific situation. Her father was angry, his eyes darting from person to person. "Do you have any more questions for us?"

"Do you know what this is going to do to your figure?" her mother asked. Her pitiful attempt to play on her daughter's vanity was the only weapon she had left in her scant arsenal.

"That's it," Kelly proclaimed. "I'm done, Ryan. I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore."

Ryan nodded as she ran past everyone and out the front door. He was left alone with two people who clearly hated him. There wasn't much to say. "I'm sorry that this turned out like this, but I hope you can forgive your daughter. I'd like it if you could forgive me, but if you only have a little bit of forgiveness left, use it on her. She really needs you right now. She matters more than any of this."

"Don't speak to me like that in my own home," her father whispered, his voice dripping with distain as he stared into Ryan's bright blue eyes.

Shaking his head, Ryan stood up and started to trail after Kelly. Before he opened the door, he looked back at her parents. "I can't believe you guys. You make me sick," he shook his head. His words clearly stung them. "Kelly is the woman that I love, and I'm going to be there. If that means having you hate me for the rest of my life, then I guess I'll have to live with it."

"You love her, don't you?" her mother asked quietly. Ryan stared back at her in silence, and he knew that she knew.

Her father looked at him, rising angrily to his feet. Ryan put his hands up to keep the man at a distance. "If you want to punch me, go ahead. It won't change anything." His advisory made a fist and leered at him. "Just know this; we are going to have this baby. And there is a good chance that I am going to marry her someday. If you can't live with that…"

"If I can't live with it? What are you going to do, Mr. Howard?"

"If you can't live with it, you might lose your daughter for good."

"Big deal," he spat. "I can say whatever I want about you and that little whore of a daughter you knocked up."

"And now so is my place in this family," Kelly announced from behind them. Ryan recoiled at his voice as he looked up to find her standing there. Fiery anger was apparent in her eyes. "Ryan, let's go. Now."


	17. Chapter 17

The next afternoon, Ryan once again found himself outside of a house with Kelly, staring up at the front door with stunted anticipation. This time, their big reveal was to take place at his childhood home, the place where his parents still lived together after 30 years of marriage. He reached down and twisted his stainless steel watch anxiously while Kelly finished a phone call with her youngest sister. Despite the argument that had transpired between the couple and her parents, her sisters had been surprisingly supportive. With only his parents and the people at the office left to tell, Ryan was beginning to actually look forward to a time when he could both enjoy and worry about his impending fatherhood.

"Sorry about that," Kelly apologized as she came walking up the sidewalk. Her dark hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, contrasting nicely with her cream slip dress. "I guess we should just get in there and talk to your parents, huh?"

Ryan smiled at her reassuringly before pulling his spare key from the pocket of his charcoal trousers. Unlocking the door, he guided her into the grand entryway and called out to his parents.

"Your mother and I are in here," his father called from the kitchen. Ryan took Kelly's hand and led her through the formal living room and into the airy gourmet kitchen. Jack Howard rose from his seat at the counter to greet his son, catching him off guard as he wrapped him into a hug. His mother, Julia, raced around the marble to embrace Kelly. After a moment, the parents exchanged partners. "I'm so glad you decided to come over for lunch this afternoon. Your mother has been dying to try out this new recipe."

"We're glad that you had the time free," Kelly retorted, smiling graciously at her hosts. Ryan stood poised behind her, wondering exactly how long they were going to play the charade. He had wanted to tell them right away, but she had wanted to wait until the time was right. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Don't be silly," Julia bubbled. "You two just sit down here and tell me what has been going on. Since Ryan has been in New York, we've only seen him when we went into the city. I was so glad when he told me that the two of you were back together."

Glancing sideways at his girlfriend, Ryan felt himself blush slightly. "Well, you're not the only one who is happy about that," he admitted, reaching for Kelly's hand under the counter. Not sure what else to say, he left the rest of the conversation up to the two women in the room. Meanwhile, he was mentally trying to figure out how to approach the subject with his parents. He had planned on telling them after lunch, but like everything else lately, he felt like it needed to come sooner than expected. First, however, he had to get Kelly's permission.

"We'll be right back," he excused them suddenly, interrupting his mother's story about their gardener. Jack nodded from his barstool, his hands hugging a frosty bottle of beer. His mother was mixing brownie batter rapidly on the other side of the counter, smiling warmly as they slipped from the room. It was clear that neither of them knew what was about to happen. Reaching for her hand, he pulled her upstairs toward his childhood bedroom. With the door shut tightly behind him, he smiled softly at her. "Hey."

Kelly sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling him down beside her. She reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together until they were so tangled that he couldn't tell where she ended and he began. "Well, my parents know, and yours don't."

"It's funny," he told her. "How do I do this? I thought that it was going to be a lot easier."

"Nothing that was worth it was ever easy."

Ryan nodded, knowing that she was right. "How are your sisters taking the news?"

"Well, I hate that they heard us fighting. Apparently, the two youngest heard you yelling at Daddy after I left. Steph almost walked in on it."

"I had to defend you, Kel," he retorted. "I never thought about the girls hearing us. I should have, but I was so angry. It got pretty ugly. I basically told your dad that if he couldn't accept this, he was going to be the one losing everything. That is exactly what I was afraid of. I don't want to cost you your relationship with your parents. I know how much they matte. They're your family."

"It would cost me more to lose you."

A wide, genuine smile spread across his face. He leaned over and kissed her briefly on the lips. "Thank you."

"Well, you're welcome!" she exclaimed, happily, leaning her head on his shoulder as they stared at the faded poster of Nirvana on the opposite wall. The grayish blue walls and its many accents hadn't been touched since he moved out nearly a decade before. She could retrace the history of Ryan until the day she met him in this room. It was comforting in a way.

"I shouldn't have yelled at your dad," he murmured. "He just made that choice comment, and that's what set me off. Then, you came back in and said what you did. I just want this afternoon to go better. We haven't told them yet, but I really want to."

"Then, we are going to do this now," she replied.

"Don't worry, baby," he whispered as he squeezed her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "The good thing about all of this is that we're not in it alone. Together, we can do anything."

"That's awfully optimistic of you, Ryan Howard," she grinned. "I never thought I'd see the day when you were the one who believed in us as a couple. It's almost frightening."

He shrugged. "I have hope."

"Come on," she insisted, jumping to her feet. Reaching out, she pulled him up. He was standing so close to her that he had to do it. Leaning down, he kissed her as passionately as he could muster, losing himself completely, if only for a moment. Her tongue traced his bottom lip as his fingers pulled her long hair free from its barrette. Licking her lips, she finally pulled away. He was breathless from the intense moment as her eyes sparkled back at him.

"Wow."

"Mmhmm, I know," she declared proudly as she led him out of the room and back down the stairs. His parents were sitting at the table, waiting in silence for Ryan and Kelly to make their reappearance. Jack was nursing what appeared to be his second drink, and Julia was holding her signature cocktail. She liked to alternate between wine and martinis. Today was apparently a martini day.

"Okay, Kiddo," his mom said warmly to him. "You apparently have something that you need to tell us. Kelly, I'm sure you'll understand if we need some time alone in a minute."

"Actually, this involves her, Mom," Ryan remarked.

"Oh."

"Here," Ryan offered as he pulled out a chair for Kelly. Julia looked perplexed as she watched the couple. He slipped into the chair next to Kelly, who reached for his hand under the table. She squeezed it supportively, pressing him forward. "Mom, there isn't any easy way to say this, so I'm just going to tell you and hope that you can be supportive. Kelly is pregnant, and the baby is mine."

"Oh, my," she tittered with a nervous giggle. "I thought you just said you were having a baby."

"I did."

"Oh, my," she repeated, her voice much more sullen this time. She slammed down the contents of her glass in one gulp and then held it up for her father to refill. He quietly poured the gin concoction into the flute. "So, what does this mean?"

"We're not getting married, at least not yet."

"You're going to do the responsible thing, Ryan," Jack ordered.

Kelly spoke up. "He is doing the responsible thing. I don't think that is the best thing yet, Mr. Howard. We're not ready for that."

"And you're ready for a baby?" Julia demanded.

"Probably not," Kelly admitted, "but it's too late for that. I don't see why we have to make two mistakes."

"Marrying my son would be a mistake?" his mother shot back.

Kelly held her own. "Marrying him too soon and for the wrong reasons would be a mistake," she returned. "Look, I know that you two have always liked me. But I also know that you have always thought of me as this spoiled, superficial girl who gets by on her looks, and that is who I used to be. But just like Ryan, I've changed a lot. I'm going to have this baby."

"You don't have to do this alone," Jack said quietly.

"What?" Ryan asked, his tone louder and higher than he had intended. He had expected his mother to be supportive but his father was another thing. While Jack Howard had given him anything he could ever want, he had always been distant. His mother said it was just how he was raised and that he was of that generation.

"We will help in any way that we can. You have our support."

"They do?!?" his mother cried. "Why aren't you angrier about this?"

"Because you sure are furious," Ryan noted.

"You made a huge mistake," she stated evenly.

"Would everyone please stop calling our baby a mistake?" Kelly roared.

"This child is not a mistake," Jack said. Again, his voice was calm. "Julia, you're just upset, but I know that you would never believe that a child is a mistake. Ryan has done a lot of stupid things in the past, and admittedly, this may not have been the smartest move he's ever made. But I will not let him or Kelly go through this alone. He is my son, and we are all he has."

"Mrs. Howard, I'm going to need help," Kelly told his mother. "You have been such an amazing mother to Ryan. It's so evident every time I'm in the house. My parents are not going to be supportive and be there to help me. Knowing that Ryan has you both, it makes it a little easier for me."

Tears glimmered in Julia's eyes. Right on cue, the truest part of his mother had just shown up. "Kelly, you have us, too. Jack and I will both help in any way that we can."\

"Thank you," she said, hugging his mother. Standing up, she looked at Jack questioningly. Although he was being kinder than normal, he still wasn't about to let her hug him right now. Hugging hello was one thing, but he didn't do well with emotions. He shook his head, and Kelly sat back down.

"Ryan, honey, I love you," his mother said. "I just want you to know that." She looked over at her husband. "Kel, why don't you come upstairs with me? I think I have some of Ryan's baby things you might like to see."

The two women quickly left the men alone in the kitchen. "Okay, Dad, tell me the truth."

Jack looked at his son. "You're doing the right thing."

"What?"

"You stepped up and are doing the right thing. You're taking responsibility for your actions."

"But I messed up. I messed up big time."

"Maybe, but when it counted, you made things right."

"Why aren't you angry?"

"Anger won't help anyone, least of all your child. It's time that I let you be the man that you've become."

"Did you just call me a man?"

"Don't ruin the moment," Jack grumbled, tossing his empty beer bottles in the trashcan on his way out to the garage. Just as he opened the sliding glass door, he turned and looked at Ryan. "I'm proud of you, Son."


	18. Chapter 18

Kelly was sitting on the floor when Ryan found her upstairs in his old bedroom. Piles of clothes and an assortment of baby toys were strewn around her as she poured over a book. "What are you looking at?" he asked quietly, laying a baby blue blanket to the side as he sat down next to her.

"Your baby book," she answered. He watched her finger trace the lines of his mother's graceful script. The page told the story about his first years, things like his first word and favorite foods and notable habits. "It says that you loved carrots and hated pears."

"I still don't like pears," he laughed. "I guess some things never change."

"I'm glad that some things do," she smiled. "How did things go with your father?"

"He said he was proud of me. I'm not sure whether I should be terribly afraid or overwhelmingly relieved. Either way, I don't think it could have gone any better."

Kelly leaned her head on his shoulder. "This has been a very long week. A big day for our little family," she sighed.

"The worst is over," he promised.

She shook her head vehemently. "I don't think my parents are going to be able to forgive me, and we still haven't told anyone at the office. That's not going to get better any time soon."

"Kel, I promise I won't let anything hurt you."

"You can't protect me from this, Ry. I love you, but you can't," she argued. "This is my family. It's not like you are going to deal with them on your own. We still need to figure out so many things with us, too."

"What do you mean?"

"Are we going to stay together? Do you still feel the need to run away? What are we?"

"We've been over this. Do you want to date someone else or something?"

She looked down at her hands. "I'm pregnant. No one is going to want to be with me."

"I want to be with you, Kel. I love you. Only you."

"Ryan, do you really mean that? Because if you're just saying that…"

"I've never meant anything more."

"Are you really past everything?"

"Can you let go of the past?"

"I've already told you that I've let go of it," she told him. "I will keep telling you as many times as you need to hear it. I will believe you when you say you're sure now."

"I know you're trying to make this okay for me, Kel, but you can't do that. You can't make it okay for your parents, and you can't make it okay for mine. Hell, you can't even make it okay for the people who are actually happy about it. You have to make it okay for yourself."

Kelly looked down at the book and then up at him. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears. "I'm afraid, Ryan," she admitted. "I'm afraid to be happy. Every time I've ever let myself be happy, it's been snatched away from me. Between the constant disappointment of my parents and my sister's death, my family is a complete disaster. I wasn't enough to be a priority to anyone. I've been cheated on and lied to by guys in the past. I wasn't enough for someone at every turn. My love wasn't enough."

"Oh, Kel," he gasped, "they weren't enough for you. Those guys were like me – they didn't know that you were the best thing that ever happened to them. They treated you like it didn't matter. Your parents made all these mistakes, but you don't need them. Look how you've turned out, you're amazing."

"What about you, Ryan?"

"I get the chance to have everything with you. You've made it so easy for me, laid it all out on the line. I almost didn't…I can't believe I almost didn't take this."

"You left me."

"Because I knew that you and me, we were everything. There was something missing in me. There had always been something missing."

"What do you think was missing?" she murmured, her eyes rising to look into his.

He cupped her cheek in his hand. "This," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss her. Her nose bumped his as she clung to him desperately, their limbs soon becoming tangle in a hurried frenzy. His fingers raked through her hair as she sighed contently against his lips.

"How did we end up here?" he laughed as he laid her back against the blush carpet. Her arms entwined around his neck, their hips bumping as she pulled him down toward her. Their mouths came crashing together as he rolled her over so that he was on top. "Is this okay for the baby?"

She nodded slowly as he unbuttoned her dress. He smiled to himself as he watched her writhe under his touch. "Don't stop," she pleaded as he dipped to kiss her collarbone. He shook his head as he moved back up to kiss her full on the mouth. She was working on his belt buckle when her cell phone rang from her purse."

"Ignore it," he muttered before Kelly pulled him back down to where she was lying on her back. The ringing stopped for a few seconds before starting again.

"To be continued," Kelly murmured as she sat up, straightening her dress and smoothing his hair. Once she felt put together, she strode across the room and pulled the phone from her bag. She pressed the speaker button and answered the tiny pink device. "Daddy."

"Why did it take so long to answer the phone? I've been trying to call you."

Kelly looked over at the baby book. "We were just looking at some of Ryan's baby things."

"Oh," he mused briefly. "Your mom still has all your things in the attic."

"Yeah, Kelly and I were just going through this stuff to figure out what we wanted to keep for our baby," Ryan explained, reaching for Kelly's hand. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her down beside him. He felt the need to protect her from whatever was coming. He knew that his actions would seem like he was throwing it in her father's face, but he wasn't. Her father didn't really factor into his behavior; it was about Kelly. "So, why are you calling?"

"I, um, just wanted to see how my daughter was," he replied.

"We're fine," Kelly uttered shortly. "What do you need, Daddy? I don't want to go another few rounds today. I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now."

"I actually want to talk to Ryan. Alone."

Ryan looked at Kelly, searching her eyes. She nodded slightly. "Fine."

"I'll walk you downstairs," he said. "I'll call you right back, sir."

They didn't wait for a response as he hung up the phone. Placing his hand tenderly on the small of her back, he guided her into the hallway. "Wait downstairs. I'm going to get it over with as soon as I can."

"I think I'll just go for a walk."

"Kel, please, don't. I'll be done soon."

She smiled warmly. "I'm glad you don't want me to leave," she told him softly, leaning in to lessen the space between them. He put his hands on her hips and pulled her flush against him. "I'll tell you what. You finish this thing with Donna, and then come get me downstairs so we can finish what we started."

"I'm a very strong finished," he growled. "You can watch TV the study. I'll get you as soon as I can.

She nodded and kissed him deeply before heading down the stairs. She was nervous that he was going to talk to her father, but she trusted him even more. "Hey, Ry?" she called up toward him.

"Yeah?"

"Hurry."

Ryan nodded as she walked out of his line of sight. He turned to go back into his bedroom. He huddled on his bed, his head in his hands. Finally, he gathered the nerve to call her father back. "Hello, Mr. Kapoor."

"Hello, Ryan."

"So, what'd you need?"

"I just thought we could talk."

"I don't really have anything else to say."

"Well, I do," he asserted. "Ryan, you and Kelly are together. You're going to have a baby. How can you think it's going to be easy on this family?"

Ryan looked at his reflection incredulously. "Are you serious? This isn't easy for you? This isn't about you! For once in her life, this isn't about your family. This is about Kelly. This is about me and the woman I love."

"You didn't fight for her," he shot back. "You just let go of her when you went to New York. You moved on, and she had to accept it. You broke up with her."

"You're right, I did. And I regretted it every single day. Sir, I am still in love with your daughter. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have thought twice about staying in New York and leaving her all over again," he shot back. "I will do anything to be with your daughter. I messed up in the past, but that's over. My life is with Kelly. I am going to be with her."

"Do you love her? I mean, do you just love her?"

He peered into his own familiar blue eyes in the mirror. "No, of course not."

"Thank God," her father sighed with relief.

"It's so much more than just loving her," he said, clearly surprising the older man. "I am in love with your daughter. That means more than simply just loving her. She is the first woman I truly loved, and that will always be ours alone. She is it for me."

"But you never treated her right…"

"I never said that I didn't love her. I just said that I didn't love her like she deserved," he explained. "I couldn't have been in love with Kelly like this five years ago, five months ago or even five weeks ago. We had to go through all this stuff to get to where we could be like this. And now that we are, I am so in love wit her. She has changed my life."

Mr. Kapoor was in a stunned silence. Ryan listened to him, wishing that he could find the words to convince the man, but he had none. "I have to go, sir."

"Please, Ryan, don't take her away from us."

"She has waited for me for too long," he stated confidently. "Kelly is done waiting for us."


	19. Chapter 19

On Monday morning, Ryan called into the corporate office in New York and explained to his assistant that he was making an impromptu visit to the Scranton branch. After a very long talk with Kelly, they had mutually agreed to make their grand announcement after the weekend. She wanted to talk to Jim and Pam first. They had become two of her best friends and had been there when everything had transpired. They deserved at least a brief explanation before telling Michael and the others. Ryan wasn't sure how anyone else was going to take it, but he was particularly worried about his former boss. Michael Scott had always had a somewhat unhealthy obsession with him. There was no telling what his reaction would be.

"Which shirt do you think I should wear?" Kelly asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. He was still in bed, lounging lazily beneath the luxury of her expensive sheets. She stood at the edge of the bed, clad in a flared black skirt, soft pink lace bra, black stockings and matching kitten heels. Two seemingly matching tops were in her hand. "I've always believed in dressing the part. Which one looks more maternal?"

"Looking at you right now, I'd say that maternal is the last adjective I'd use to describe you," he retorted huskily. Kelly swatted him playfully before throwing one of the soft crimson tops over his dark hair. "Honestly, Kel, I can't really tell the different between the two. I'm sure whichever you choose will look great on you."

"Ryan, they are obviously not the same!" she exclaimed with exasperation. "The one you are holding has pearl buttons and cream stitching. This one has glass buttons and dark grey stitching. They give the outfit entire different looks. It's the small details. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

He chuckled, amazed at how she found great difference in the color of stitching and buttons. When he looked at clothes, he was only worried about the overall effect. Kelly looked at the tiniest details. Maybe that was what made them such a great pair – together, they saw the entire picture. "I think you should wear the one with the glass buttons. The darker stitching will match the darker theme you have going on. It makes you look strong and like you are ready to deal with this situation head on."

Grateful for his answer, she yanked the cashmere top over her dark hair. Ryan grinned at the slightly disheveled version of the woman standing before him. Crawling from the bed, he reached up and pulled her hair from beneath the collar of the sweater. Kelly smiled her thanks in return and dropped a peck kiss on his mouth. "You need to get ready. We have to be in the office in less than a half hour. You're all fancy New York corporate now. They're expecting something more than the same discount store tie."

Ryan pretended to be offended as Kelly disappeared into her bathroom. He could hear her humming happily to herself as she applied her makeup, a ritual that he still hadn't worked his way up to witness. There were some things that were sacred, Kelly told him, and her morning routine was one of them. While he had seen her naked and sweaty beneath his body more times than he could count, she still didn't like him to see her before she felt perfection had been achieved. He didn't have the heart to tell her that he liked her the most when she likely felt most imperfect.

"I'm going to go make us some eggs," he called toward the bathroom. Kelly offered some kind of muffled response, but he couldn't hear her over the loud buzz of the blow dryer. Shrugging, he headed into the kitchen and set to work at preparing breakfast. By the time he heard the contraption shut off and she came into find him, he was already setting a stack of toast on the table.

"I told you not to make eggs," she complained lightly, staring at the platter in the middle of the table. It wasn't that she wasn't grateful. She just couldn't handle the strong smell of cooked eggs. They were apparently not in the baby's favor. "I can't eat them, Ryan. You have to get them out of here before I get…"

Her face fell ashen as she turned on her heel and ran down the hall. Worried, Ryan sat his spatula back on the counter and turned off the stove. Jogging toward the bathroom, he nudged the door open to find Kelly sitting on her knees on the floor. Hunched over the porcelain toilet, he listened to her dry heave and wretch. Leaning down behind her, he drew her dark hair back into his fist and began to soothing rub her back in small circles. "I'm sorry, Kel, I didn't know. I couldn't hear what you said. I should know stuff like this."

Sure that she was done emptying the contents of her stomach, she stood up slowly and began to brush her teeth again. Ryan sat down on the bench in the small bathroom and watched her carefully, wanting to be nearby if anything happened again. When she had thoroughly ridded her mouth of the bitter acidic aftertaste, she regarded him kindly. "You can't expect yourself to know everything right away, Ry. I'm still learning these things myself. We just have to take it day by day."

"But I'm not going to be here every day," he pointed out sadly. This was the first time either of them had fully admitted that he was going to miss out on parts of her pregnancy. He wasn't going to be there to rub her swollen feet after a long day of work. He wasn't going to be there for the midnight runs to the market when she had a strange craving. "I have to go back to New York tonight, Kel. There are going to be four or five days every week when I won't be with you. I won't know these things unless you tell me."

"Then, I will tell you everything," she promised. "I know that your job is important to you, and I'm not going to ask you to choose. I won't push you to more commitment than you're ready for. We have eight months to figure this out, and I can be patient. In the meantime, I can keep a diary of all these things so that you will know. We can set up webcams and talk every night. We already talk constantly. We'll find a way to make this work, Ryan."

He wrapped his arms around her soft back and pressed his forehead against hers. "I love you for believing in us. If it was anyone else, everything about this baby would absolutely terrify me. You make me wish that the future was already here."

Twenty minutes later, Ryan pulled his dark convertible into the sparse parking lot. Kelly had fallen asleep on the short ride over to the office, a telltale sign that exhaustion would likely plague her over the next few months. Gently shaking her awake, he waited until her eyes focused to say anything. "We're here."

As they started to crawl out of the car, Pam and Jim walked by hand in hand. Pam was dressed in a long charcoal pea coat, her hands tucked into the pockets. Her breath appeared in the air as she exhaled, relieved to see her friend back at work. "Kelly!" she exclaimed, walking quickly toward the car. "I was so worried about you all weekend."

"Pam!" the Indian woman squealed in response, throwing her arms around the assistant excitedly. "Sorry that I was out of touch. We had to figure out some things and talk to our parents. It's been kind of a long weekend."

Pam nodded understandingly as Jim appeared at her side. His trademark black coat was wrapped securely around him in an effort to keep the icy wind at bay. Kelly leaned forward and hugged him quickly. "I'm glad that you're doing okay."

"Thanks," she smiled. Ryan came up to join them, slipping his arm through hers. Together, the four of them started to talk toward the nondescript Dunder Mifflin building. A few random workers milled around in the lobby. Kevin was mumbling to himself as he waited for the elevator while Stanley was already at work on the morning's crossword puzzle. "Do you mind if we talk to the two of you before we head upstairs?"

Jim exchanged a glance with Pam and shook his head. "Of course not," he answered. "There's a small conference room just behind reception in the main lobby. No one is eve in there."

The lanky salesman led them past the desk and into the musty room. It didn't look, or smell, like it had been used in quite some time. Most of the tenants in the building had their own meeting rooms on their individual floors. Pulling out a standard-issue office chair for his girlfriend, Ryan sat down next to Kelly and again took her hand in his. Pam and Jim chose a seat across from them and leaned forward intently. "Well, I guess you know that we're having a baby."

Kelly couldn't believe that Ryan sounded so blunt. "Before you ask, we found out that the baby is fine the other night at the hospital," she assured them. "We told our parents over the weekend. My parents didn't take it well at all, but Ryan's have been fairly supportive. I think my sisters were the only ones who were really excited."

"So, you're going to raise it together?" Pam asked. She couldn't picture Ryan giving up his life in New York so easily.

"I'm staying in New York for now," he responded, his voice small and desolate. He held his hands up as they started to throw protesting questions his way. "I know that you are thinking that I am going to abandon Kelly, but I promise you that I won't. We both agreed that we have time to figure this out. If she is willing to be patient with me, I hope that you can as well. But if you can't, I understand. It doesn't really matter to me how anyone feels other than her."

"I just want to know that Kelly isn't going to be alone," Pam offered. "This is going to be a really emotional and vulnerable time for her. We'll be here as much as we can to help fill in the gaps."

"You don't have to do that," Kelly protested. "I can take care of myself."

"You're my friend," Pam argued back. "In fact, other than Jim, you're my best friend. That's not something I ever expected to say, but it doesn't make it any less true. Ryan is going to be there for you when he can, but I'll be there the rest of the time. You're not going to do any of this alone. If your family can't support you, I will."

"Thanks, Pam," Kelly retorted, her eyes becoming wet with unshed tears. Pam leaned across the table to cover her friend's hand. Jim was still quiet and stoic beside her. "What about you, Halpert? Do I have your support?"

His telling eyes danced with happiness at her easy request. "Of course I'll be there for you, Kel. We've seen you through this far, I'm not about to abandon you yet," he promised. Moving his gaze toward his blue-eyed boss, he jutted his chin in a sign of masculine superiority. "You break her heart, I break your face."

"Okay, enough, Big Brother," Kelly teased before racing around the table to hug Jim. He had been the one to play the middleman in the earliest stages of their relationship. It had been against his wishes, but being stuck with her in the annex on the day of the infamous carpet incident had given him a newfound affection for the girl. She was like his little sister, someone he had vowed to protect. "Thank you both for your love and support. I really, really appreciate it."

"We really appreciate it," Ryan emphasized, hoping that it would show their united front. "And now, we are about to tell everyone in the office. Anyone want to bet that Michael will ask if he can help raise the baby?"

"He'll want to be the godfather at the very least," Jim laughed.

Kelly and Pam both shivered with disgust at the very thought, setting off waves of giggles between the two women. "He just loves you so much," Pam taunted.

"You are the love of his life," Kelly agreed teasingly. "I've seen the way he looks at you. If you ever looked at me that way, I don't know what I would do. It's clear that he has envisioned a very bright future with you, Ry."

"Shut up," he grumbled, a dark shade of blush creeping across his face. Kelly reached over and tickled him before whispering a faux apology in his ear. The sultry tone of her voice stirred something inside of him, eliciting thoughts he knew was inappropriate for the office. Resigned to fact that he would forever be the object of Michael's obsession (if stabbing him in the back by taking the New York job didn't get him, he didn't know what would), he simply threw up his hands and accepted whatever fate lied ahead. "Let's go tell them about our baby, Baby."


	20. Chapter 20

Pam and Jim led the way into the office, slipping behind their assigned desks as if nothing big was about to happen. Kelly and Ryan took a moment alone outside the glass doors, enjoying one last moment of quiet peace before the inevitable chaos ensued. As he wrapped his arm around her waist and its hand found its home on her stomach, Kelly understood that this was as open and attentive as Ryan could ever become. She understood that while it was pretty much completely out of character for him, this child made him different. He was different with her when they were alone than anywhere else in the world. He might pretend not to care as much in public sometimes, but as long as he kept giving her moments like this, she really didn't care.

"Good morning, everyone," Ryan called as he marched into the office, Kelly close behind. He kept their fingers locked together as he posed in front of the reception desk. Soon, he felt a dozen pair of eyes gazing at him expectantly. "If you don't mind, I'd like to call a meeting. Conference room, five minutes."

Stanley groaned as he threw his crossword puzzle down on his desk, glancing up to roll his eyes toward Phyllis. The kind-hearted woman bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing. In the accountants' corner, Kevin mumbled something under his breath and Angela began to complain about the inconvenience. All in all, it was the typical Monday morning at Dunder Mifflin.

Kelly allowed Ryan to walk her back to the annex and began to go through her usual Monday morning motions. Hanging up her coat and turning on her computer, she let him simply watch her go through the steps to kill the few precious minutes before the meeting. Toby was on the other side of the partition, but he was used to them after their time in the annex. When she finally ran out of things to do, she wasn't particularly surprised when Ryan pushed her back against the desk and slid his mouth to hers.

"Well, Mr. Howard, I'm not sure that is proper workplace decorum," she teased softly when they finally pulled apart. He smirked at her mischievously and shrugged, not even bother to break their connection. His smile was wide and purely happy. "Toby, can you come over here? We have something to tell everyone, and you should probably be first."

The quiet man muttered a reply before appearing behind the wall. He was slightly surprised to see Ryan holding her so easily, his hands crossed over her stomach protectively. Being a father himself, Toby recognized the signs immediately. He had reacted very similarly when he had found out that his ex-wife was pregnant with Sascha. "When are you due?" he asked, making sure that his voice didn't carry in the small room.

His bubbly officemate giggled in response. "How did you know?" Toby shrugged before urging her to go on. "I'm only a few weeks in. Ryan just called a meeting so that we could tell everyone. Since office policy dictates full disclosure upfront as far as HR is concerned, I wanted to tell you first."

"Well, you've already filled out the proper paperwork, so as far as corporate is concerned, your obligations have been fulfilled. You don't really have to tell everyone unless you want to."

"We do," Ryan answered, surprising them both. "I'm not going to be able to be here in Scranton all the time, so I'm going to need you guys to watch out for Kelly and our baby. Everyone would find out soon enough, so we might as well be honest about it now. I don't have anything to hide here. I'm thrilled about becoming a parent with Kel."

Toby was surprised about how open the usually closed-off Ryan was being about the impending parenthood. He seemed more relaxed and at ease than he had ever been before. Toby wasn't sure if it was denial or actually honesty, but it didn't matter to him. As long as he didn't have to hear Kelly cry, he didn't really have an opinion. "Well, congratulations and good luck. I'm sure that Michael will be quite a hand full over the next several months."

They both groaned at the mention of the office manager before trudging back toward the conference room. Everyone was sitting quietly, waiting for Ryan to come in. Michael was standing at the front, trying to reenact some stand-up comedy special he had seen the night before when they slipped in. He looked at Kelly with envy and Toby with disdain when he saw them accompanying Ryan. His moon-eyed gaze toward his new superior was shadowed with confusion when he realized that Kelly hadn't taken a seat.

"Michael, if you could just take a seat," Ryan suggested, gesturing to the empty chair. Kelly stood stoically beside him, her hand tucked firmly in his. When his former boss had finally slunk off from his brief moment in the spotlight, Ryan leaned back against the table and scanned the crowd. "I have some news that I would like to share with you all."

"The branch is finally closing?" Stanley asked hopefully, never bothering to glance up from his copy of the _New York Times_.

"Wait, what? Ryan, you didn't talk to me about this!" Michael shouted. "I thought we were best friends. Friends don't hide secrets from each other."

Next to him, Meredith nodded back to a temporary state of consciousness. "What kind of severance package do we get? I'm thinking about sending my kid to military school. He keeps getting suspended and it's really starting to cut into my alone time."

Kelly glanced at Ryan, clearly horrified. "Uh, no, the office isn't in jeopardy," she assured them. "Actually, the news is about Ryan and me. We're expecting a baby."

Phyllis clapped her hands excitedly and jumped up to hug the young woman. Long viewed as the maternal figure in the office, she had once been mistaken for Mother Goose. It only seemed natural that she would be excited for the reunited couple. "Kelly, I am so happy for you! I know that you've always wanted a baby… Wait, you didn't do this on purpose?"

Ryan couldn't help but laugh as he shook his head. "No, it wasn't planned by either of us," he acknowledged. "Still, it's turning out to be a pretty great thing and I hope that I can count on all of you for support."

"A child out of wedlock is a sin," Angela recited spitefully. Although she knew that every child was a blessing, she had never liked Ryan or Kelly. In fact, she had once told Dwight that she hated them more than anything in the world.

"Yeah, yeah, we've heard it already," Kelly dismissed her. While the icy blonde's disposition often had an adverse effect, her comments today didn't even penetrate the happy bubble that surrounded Kelly.

"You're going to get fat!" Andy realized, clapping his hands excitedly next to Angela. He pretended not to see when his new girlfriend shot him a dirty look as he continued. "You are going to eat so much stuff and get fat! Do you think we can balance stuff on stomach?"

"Uh, sure, maybe in a few months," she retorted. She looked around the room to see if anyone else had anything to say. As if to read her mind, Dwight's hand shot up.

"Question," he barked loudly. "Do you have a birthing plan? Have you set up protocol in case there is an emergency? Who in the office has been assigned to accompany her to the hospital if she is to go into labor? If not, would you like me to be that person? As a volunteer deputy, I have plenty of experience with childbearing."

"Of course not, Dwight," Michael replied pityingly. "I am Ryan's best friend and the godfather of this child. If something happens to Kelly and he cannot be there, I will be with her the entire way. I will be in the delivery room, holding her hand to get her through this."

Ryan laughed loudly at the absurd thought. "Actually, Michael, Kelly has already asked Pam to be in there with her if something was to happen and I couldn't," he informed him. "And as for godparents, Kelly and I haven't even begun to think about that, but I can promise you that your name is not on that short list."

Kelly cleared her throat, deciding to get a small dig in at her boss while she could. With a sly wink to Ryan, she glanced over at her best friends. "Well, Ryan doesn't know this yet, but I was actually thinking of asking Jim and Pam. They are our best friends after all."

"We'd love to!" Jim yelped, easily understanding what was going on. He was quickly on his feet and hugging the petite Indian girl. Pam was a step behind him to embrace Michael. When they switched, Jim kept his arm firmly around Ryan's shoulders for just a second longer. It was slightly uncomfortable for both of them but well worth the reality check it forced Michael to have. "I am so glad you're my best friend. We're going to get houses next door to each other and raise our kids together someday."

"If that's all, can we get back to work?" Stanley drawled. He had no interested in the loud girl's baby or anything personal about his coworkers. The only things at Dunder Mifflin that concerned him were crossword puzzles, bonus checks and Pretzel Day. Since clearly none of those three things were the topic of discussion in the pointless meeting, he didn't understand why he was even here.

"Oh, stop being such a downer, Stanley!" Michael insisted. "We have to celebrate the miracle of life. Our baby, Ryan, is having a baby. It's amazing."

"Well, I'm actually pretty sure that Kelly is having the baby," Kevin pointed out, his slightly embarrassed smile playing across his lips.

Michael snorted. "Oh, she's just carrying the baby. Everyone knows that Ryan did all the work."

"Yeah, because that's clearly how that works," Jim deadpanned, causing Pam to giggle.

Kelly ignored everyone as she rushed over to Oscar. "I'm going to need your help decorating the nursery. You know everything there is about interior design!"

He hated that everyone still thought he personified the stereotypical homosexual traits, but he knew that Kelly was right. "I'm sure that we can figure something out before the baby comes," he promised. "I

Creed stood up and strode over to Ryan. "If you wanted a baby, why didn't you just tell me? I could have gotten you one from Lupe, the cleaning lady. She's from Haiti and they have a lot of kids on the black market. It would have cost you like $20 and a bottle of rum. Ah, rum, that Lupe is one classy lady."

Ryan felt his jaw drop as he peered horrified at the old man. "Uh, thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

Creed nodded before heading back out toward his desk. With everyone preoccupied, he knew that it was the perfect time to lift that new thermos he had seen Phyllis bring in. He needed to get something for Arnold the Bum by the gas station. It was his birthday tomorrow. Meredith soon appeared in his place, causing Ryan to groan inwardly.

"I have a proposition for you," she offered. "Since I'm not going to be getting any severance money any time soon, why don't I sell you my minivan? Like I said, I need the cash to send my kid away and you'll need to room to haul your baby around. It'd be a perfect."

Kelly had heard the offer. Envisioning the rusting vehicle, she shuddered. She would not allow her child to be chauffeured in a vehicle that was not cute. "No, thanks."

"Think about it," Meredith told Ryan, elbowing him knowingly before reaching for her Big Gulp. He could smell the strong alcohol wafting through the straw as she took a long sip. These were the people he wanted to look after Kelly? As his eyes found Pam and Jim, he thanked God for small favors.

Michael stood suddenly on a chair in the middle of the room, clapping his hands to gain their attention. "Well, we can all agree that this is wonderful news!" he exclaimed. "In fact, I think that it's cause for celebration. Party Planning Committee, get on it! We are going to have us a baby blowout."

"When?" Phyllis questioned timidly.

"Tonight before Ryan goes back," Michael answered, looking at her as if she was the most stupid woman on earth.

"I can't plan a party that quickly!" Angela protested uselessly.

"Can and will," Michael shot back.

"I'll help you, my love," Andy offered. Angela plastered on a fake smile while Dwight leered at him. "Kelly, since it's your party, why don't you let me take your place?"

She nodded happily, thankful that she wasn't going to have to endure Angela's wrath over the forced party. Besides, it wasn't her idea, so why should she have to deal with it? It was her moment in the spotlight. She knew that Ryan wasn't likely too happy about it, but he would get through it. He had to do it for her.


	21. Chapter 21

Sometimes, in life, we are stuck with the family that we are given. Other times, we are blessed with the family that we have chosen. For Ryan, he was thankful that he had a strong combination of both, the loving support of his parents and the strong connection of Kelly and his child. While things had not turned out like he had planned, he had the chance at a life that could turn out to be even better. With the support of that family and the strange group of friends he had made at Dunder Mifflin, he was beginning to feel like anything was possible.

He realized that his newfound sense of optimism had turned him into a person completely unlike the man he had long been. However, with all the changes that surrounded him, change was unavoidable. He was beginning to grow up and come into his own as a man. Finding out that you are going to be a father is bound to do that to someone. Now, as he watched Pam and Kelly giggle like school girls at the reception desk, he was at peace with who he had become. He might not be the sarcastic, disconnected cynic that came into the office as a temp three years ago that Kelly had originally fallen in love with, but he liked to think that she loved this man much more.

Looking around the room, he allowed his gaze to rest comfortably on each person he had shared this office with. There was Stanley, the quiet and unimposing salesman who had once scared the life out of Ryan after unwanted advances from his daughter. A devoted husband and protective father, he lived each day for the life that he had beyond this office. Paper sales were just a job to him, a means to an end. He enjoyed the simple pleasures in life, things like Pretzel Day and perfectly completing the crossword puzzle. There wasn't any apology to the way he lived his life for he was comfortable with whom he was as a man.

Across the desk from him, Phyllis smiled sweetly up at Ryan. She was quiet as well but in a completely different way. Phyllis always seemed to care the most about the people around her, often serving as a confidant in times of need. In her own unassuming way, she had the uncanny knack of getting people to open up about their feelings. They had ice skated once together on Michael's birthday, circling the rink a few times when he was trying to escape from Kelly's clenches. Although she had suspected that Ryan secretly loved the young woman's hold on him, she had saved him for a few minutes because she knew that is what he wanted.

Phyllis' eyes fell back to her computer as Dwight stood up to make some sort of an announcement. To Ryan, the man seemed to be the most contradictory. Everything was by the book for him except the rare times when it called in question his loyalty to Michael. Dwight was careful about the people that he chose to love, and Michael Scott seemed to be one of the few that he held above all others. Giving up something he loved as much as being a volunteer deputy to help save Michael during the drug testing had shown Ryan just that. Then again, his slight respect for Dwight could also be the fact that the joint was Ryan's and somehow he had also managed to save him.

Over Dwight's shoulder, Ryan watched as Angela shook her head sadly and rolled her eyes before turning back to her desk. The icy, stringent blonde pretended not to listen but Ryan could see the way her ears seemed to perk up at the sound of his voice. He recognized all the signs as well as anyone, the distant way you can fool yourself into pretending not to care. He had perfected the technique with Kelly, and now, he could see Angela forcing herself into the same routine with Dwight. Even if he didn't particularly care for either of them, he hoped that they could find their way back together. He suspected that it may be the only way either of them would ever be happy.

Until then, Angela had Andy and his incessant attempts to make her smile. It was crazy to believe, but sometimes they even seemed to work. Ryan hadn't witnessed the impromptu concert between his a cappella friends, but Kelly had definitely filled him in. Underneath it all, Andy just wanted other people to like him. Sure, his attempts were sometimes awkward and weak, but he was still a good guy. After all, anyone who could penetrate Angela's icy veneer and convince her to let her hair down was alright in Ryan's book.

Two guys that were also alright by Ryan were Oscar and Kevin. He had long considered them the Odd Couple of the office. They had become friends by circumstance, forced to unite over the power struggle that had always defined the accounting office with Angela at the helm. Kevin was sloppy, slow and apathetic at times. He loved to make lewd comments about women with his sly, slightly creepy smile and became almost overly intense when it came time to perform on stage. Oscar was meticulous in his appearance, had a dry wit and appreciated the finer things in life. He was quick on the uptake, especially when it came to Michael, and always had an answer for everything when it came to getting out of work. Perfect opposites, they supported each other's strengths and made up for their shortfalls.

Someone who didn't care about shortfalls was Meredith. Ryan had always appreciated the brazen way she didn't care what anyone thought of her. As long as there was vodka, she was always down for a good time. Hell, with the clear liquor in her overly large mug, she even managed to make her job fun. He loved to watch her all day, the way she could keep the constant buzz without ever really being caught. She had always been kind to him and never really asked for much. That was probably the thing he appreciated most about her. She was just happy as she was.

That same carefree reverie was something that had defined Creed as long as he had known him. Creed was someone that didn't make sense to anyone, least of all Ryan. He loved to take useless junk, and no one really knew why. He always came up with these totally random comments that no one could ever understand. Even his age was something that no one could ever really tell. He had tried once to pretend to be younger to save his job, an image that still makes Ryan laugh to this day. If everyone in the office had a stereotype to fill, Creed was definitely the unknown factor.

Someone else who defined their role completely was Toby, the softhearted guy who cared the most but really didn't want to care at all. Forever trying to fulfill his position as the human resources guy, Toby tried to listen to problems without getting involved. Whether it was the way that Michael had always made him feel as if he didn't quite belong or the quiet feelings he held at bay for Pam, he didn't want to care about these people, but he couldn't help himself. Like Ryan, he had let them work their way into his heart to a point where you couldn't help but love them all.

And like Ryan had falsely thought himself at one point, Pam stood above the rest. She was funny, beautiful and kind. Always there to lend a helping hand, one look at her and everyone knew that she would make an amazing mother. She had one said that she wasn't good with kids, but Toby, Ryan and Jim had all seen the way she handled them one by one. Meredith's kid seemed to like her, which Ryan seemed to think probably had something to do with the cleavage factor of her shirt. Still, she had made him smile, just as she had done with so many other men that had come into the office. Above all else, Ryan thought that was her true gift – the ability to elicit the unknowing smile.

Of course, the man that she made smile most was Jim. Tall and lanky, he was the epitome of sarcasm and honesty. You didn't want to like him, but you couldn't help it. If he was a woman, Ryan had no doubt that he would have a crush on him as most girls seemed to. He was the guy that all girls wanted to be with and all guys wanted to be like. They had definitely had their differences over the year, but Ryan was glad that they were now friends. He had seen the wrath of Jim many times on Dwight firsthand, and to be honest, he didn't ever want to be the one on the receiving end.

However, there are some wraths that you can't escape, and for Ryan, that would always mean Michael Scott. There were so many times when he had made him incredibly uncomfortable and awkward, convincing Ryan to the point of hating him. But underneath it all, Ryan knew that Michael was just a lonely and scared little boy desperate for someone to be his friend. He wasn't an easy person to have in your life with a personality that was incredibly hard to swallow. Yet, he had a good heart and the best of intentions, and he deserved a break. Once in awhile, his employees got a rare glance into the man that Michael really is and the person he could have become if things had been different. Both versions of Michael were people that Ryan could have liked, and for that alone, he had to respect him at least a little.

Still, above all others, his affections were highest for the love of his short life and the long one that was to follow. He had lamented privately for hours on why he cared about her and the life-changing woman she had become. He still wasn't sure about so many things, including what had brought them to this particular moment in time. However, every time he saw her hand graze over her stomach or her smile at him from across the room, it didn't really seem to matter that much anymore. It had just happened. They had just changed. That was the way life went sometimes, and he didn't feel the need to define the why and how of it all. She had seen him grow, let him grow. She had accepted who he was and who he was to become. Maybe others wouldn't think that this was the real Ryan, but she saw just as she had seen all along.

Watching her walk toward him, Ryan knew that this day was just another turning point in the life that they had begun. They would find a way to reconcile with her parents if it was at all possible, and if not, he would make sure that he surrounded her with enough love that it wouldn't seem as hard to overcome. They would grow together as a family, the couple and their child. With the love of his parents and their best friends, he knew that he could give her life that she had always dreamt of. He'd be there when he could and felt at peace knowing that the others in this room would be there when he couldn't. Even now, he was beginning to suspect that the time lapses between their trips would become shorter and shorter until they didn't exist at all. Her patience would give him the time he needed to make sure that one day no one would have to leave and they could just be together.

"The party is soon. I think I heard Michael say something about making sure that they found an interracial baby for the top of the cake," she laughed as she slipped her arm through his. The fluid motion was easy and in the middle of public, but Ryan didn't flinch at all. "You've been quiet since we told everyone. Any regrets?"

Smiling at her, he shook his head confidently and pulled her closer to him. Given the chance to go back and change anything, Ryan knew that he wouldn't. The wrong turns, stumbles and falls had led him here, led them both here. It was a scary place to be at times, but he knew that it was the right one. There would be ups and downs, highs and lows, fights and makeups, rises and falls. Still, he didn't want to miss a single moment of it because this was not only the life and family he had been given, it was the family and life he had chosen. "I don't have any regrets," he promised her. "None at all."

_El Fin._


End file.
